Author Archives: Kami

Garage Nirvana

I did it.

Yup, finally and unequivocally I succeeded. It’s been a dream of mine for years now. And it happened.

I know to many of you it will seem silly and inconsequential. To me it is the first major accomplishment in a long list of successes to follow. At least I hope so.

What, pray tell, is this amazing feat I’ve managed?

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Look, it fits!! Hurrah!

My truck now fits inside the garage.

Ta da!!

I’m sorry if you feel let down. Maybe I can explain why this is so amazing to me and why I’m so happy about it. Then, you too, can celebrate and feel the wonder and peace that I now feel.

I have always been a person who thrives on order and predictability. As a kid I couldn’t fall asleep at night if my room were messy. Some nights I’d turn on the light and sort, organize, dust, sweep and mop for several hours before I could finally and blissfully fall into a well-ordered sleep.

To a child the world screams chaos and lack of control. Everyone else holds the puppet strings of your life, everything else dictates your every waking moment. Planning ahead yields little results when you’re young. Keeping my bedroom orderly and neat gave me one aspect of life that I could control.

I suppose I could have inflicted my own chaos into my bedroom, like so many children do, as a way of saying “this is my space, my life, don’t mess with this.” I see messy children’s bedrooms as just such a ploy to have some control in their lives. Chaotic control. Odd, but effective. Most parents are powerless to keep their children’s rooms clean.

I was the opposite. I cleaned, shined, tucked, folded and sorted. I loved the sense of calm a well-organized room brought with it. Honestly, with all the siblings I had, it was the one area in my life that was peaceful.

I always dreamed I’d have a clean and orderly home. A predictable world, a calm life.

Then I got married to a man who owned STUFF. He already had a 5 x 7 storage unit full of boxes of stuff. Me? I owned two boxes, one of which was books. And then we had children who need all kinds of stuff, beyond belief amounts of stuff.

And, it turns out, real life as an adult runs differently than the one a person fantasizes about as a youth.

Sigh.

Organize

Secret handbook I missed out on getting??  (Photo credit: alborzshawn)

We seemed to spontaneously produce STUFF like rabbits reproduce. I’m still not sure how that happens, the stuff, not the rabbits. I feel like I missed an important lecture day at school once in fifth or sixth grade. Maybe they taught “How STUFF replicates and how to prevent it.” Wish I’d been there that day.

Anyway, fast forward to life beyond apartments to life with a garage to store all the stuff. Not many people realize it, but garages were originally invented to house vehicles, not boxes of miscellaneous crap and treasures.

So while our not so pricey and not so shiny vehicles have spent summers and winters, rain and dust storms outside in the elements, our cardboard treasure trove has baked and frozen season after season in the garage.

About once a year we attempt to deal with it all. We vow to downsize, we garage sale, we donate, we sort, we give away, we send kids home with boxes, we fill up the trash bin, we recycle, we even bring things into the house. But the stuff seems to continue to take up just enough space in the garage that a car, even a small one, just can’t squeeze in. (I chronicle this event in an earlier post here.)

I admit to coveting those garages with cabinets with doors and a pristine finish on the cement floor. Oh, and no oil leak puddles.

But no more.

A few months ago, after sending children and their own boxes out into the world on their own adventures, I squished and scrunched, sorted and tossed and made room for my truck to fit inside the garage. The door even closes! It sounds easier than it was, but I’ll spare you the details.

Why is this such a big deal?

Because it gives me hope that the inside of my house, especially the closets and cabinets, can also reach garage nirvana. One day I’ll be able to open a cabinet door and, voilà, what I need will be exactly where I knew it would be.

“A place for everything and everything in its place.” Peace will finally be mine.

Someday, soon.

Of course, there’s an awful loud quietness about the house now that the kids have moved on. Apparently that’s the price of order.

Perhaps I’ll leave a bit of chaos about the house after all.

Maybe I’ll just stand in the garage doorway and admire my handiwork. The rest of the house can wait for a bit.

Categories: Family | Tags: , , , , , , | 6 Comments

A Moral GPS

Compass

It’s Gratituesday! Today I’m grateful for the moral compass my parents helped create in me. How lucky I am that they said “no” and taught me to work. How fortunate that they took me to church, instilled high values, expressed disappointment when my behavior required it.

I wasn’t always an easy kid. I had my grumpy, uncooperative days. And surprising info to a few of you, I had some seriously rebellious teen years which, even at the time, I felt guilty about because I knew better. But some independent dingbat streak in me insisted I was smarter than someone who had lived longer than me and didn’t really understand the world. (Boy, was I wrong.) Luckily for me the dumb choices I made that were way off course from the compass readings I’d been taught didn’t result in anything permanently disastrous.

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A Global Positioning System, or GPS as most of us know them as, is just a fancy compass. Not much thought goes into using one. Punch in an address and it tells you how to get there, usually. Ask for the nearest pizza joint and you’ll get a few choices, complete with locations, and phone numbers. Select one and it’ll draw a route you can follow that will find you noshing on some melting cheese and sausage in no time at all.

I’ve heard more than a few stories from friends who tried to follow the directions of a GPS with what could have been disastrous results. Turn right fifty feet then proceed forward one mile to your destination on the left. If they had faithfully followed the GPS they’d have driven off a cliff, or into oncoming traffic on a one-way street, or into a stream bed or a field. You’ve heard the stories, too.

Fortunately I have map reading skills and can tell when Google Maps has led me astray, usually. I did once take a forty mile short cut on a very bumpy dirt road when I could have gone an extra mile before turning off the highway and had a paved road to follow in half the distance and even less time.

Some of the things I see going on around me, close up and personal, as well as out in the world, make me wonder what’s happened to teaching kids about right and wrong, good and bad, stupid and intelligent, reason and insanity. I worry when I see parents turn over the teaching of basic character to the schools in programs that claim to instill things like “Trustworthiness, Respect, Responsibility, Fairness, Caring, Citizenship.” Instead I see a parenting mantra of “whatever.”

Apparently GPS doesn't work so hot in Manhattan.

What I see makes me even more grateful for what my parents gave me. They taught me much more than trustworthiness, they taught me honesty. They taught more than respect, they taught manners and honor and obedience. They gave me responsibility so I could feel what integrity felt like. They raised me with siblings where life wasn’t always fair, but I learned to share and understand that it felt good to care about others and to help out when I could. They voted, they volunteered, they brought me along to serve the community and from that I learned what being a good citizen meant.

Sadly, we’re raising a generation of kids that have little to no moral compass. Kids whose only direction is me-centered, me-based, me-motivated. That is a GPS with no satellite feed. If you doubt me just look at the news from the past week or two for a few minutes. The violence alone is enough to scare a person into becoming a hermit in a place with no known GPS coördinates available and no roads.

hiking trail in coloradoI think sometimes we fail to plug in our own personal compass or engage our brains in the process of figuring out where we’re going and what we’re doing and what the choices are that we’re making.

Lucky for me, my brain cells and my personal compass of moral integrity kicked in before I ruined my life or someone else’s life. Lucky for me my parents gave me all the tools to gain and use such a valuable compass.

Thanks Mom and Dad, for teaching me, for providing a moral compass, for not giving up. Thank you for the solid path I finally found myself on.

Categories: Gratitude, Gratituesday, parenting | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

No News is Good News, Right?

Newspapers B&W (5)

(Photo credit: NS Newsflash)

I’m thinking of going on a news fast.

Some of the stuff that passes as newsworthy boggles my tired brain. And some of the other stuff hurts my heart. And even more of it sends my blood pressure off the charts. Surely my health would improve without CNN, ABC, CNBC, Reuters, AP, NPR, Fox and every other related acronym out there.

I know, I know, I can hear it now. “You need to be informed.” “You can’t bury your head in the sand.” “Pretending it doesn’t exist won’t make it go away.” And on and on and  on.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it does it really make a sound?

I’d like to find out.

Like the world is going to stop because I stop watching or reading about it in shocked, jaw-dropping disbelief. Ha.

Hardly.

But maybe I can purge my heart and soul and mind a little of all those toxins.

I know people who have sworn off gluten even though they aren’t allergic to it. I know people who’ve gone cold turkey off sugar and survived and thrived. I know people who won’t eat anything processed, which is  difficult to do, and they are well and happy. I even know people who abstain completely from alcohol and they’re surprisingly a load of fun to hang out with. Amazingly, there are people who eschew caffeine in all its various forms and they get through life quite well, and they sleep fairly well too.

If all those people can eliminate entire food groups surely I can get by without an onslaught of news in my daily life.

English: Macro photograph of a pile of sugar (...

Macro photograph of a pile of sugar. Looks dangerous and unhealthy, no? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Certainly fasting from the news will challenge me.  It’s paraded at you in multiple ways. News crawlers inch across your screen as you’re trying to read a scholarly article. Flashy “news” about the latest shenanigans of some rock star jump out in three-dimensional horror as I catch up with my friends and family online. The car radio blares headlines of ridiculousness and horror at the end of a perky tune. The newspaper lands on the driveway and practically screams “read me, read me!” FB status updates copy and paste news and nastiness in the world at an alarming rate.

I want to live in a dugout in the side of a creek bed  a la Laura Ingalls Wilder for a few weeks, figure out the weather report by looking at the sky and noticing the caterpillars, find out what’s happening by chatting with the “neighbor” from twenty miles away. I want my world to shrink down to something manageable and easy and simple.

Not possible, I suppose.

I’ll probably go into withdrawals. Or something I can’t ignore will happen somewhere (please no) and I’ll have to check in. Orfor whatever reason I just won’t be able to stop myself from finding out what’s happening out there in the world at large or nearby.

But I can try for a week or two to avoid most of it, can’t I?

Yes, I can try.

What can it hurt?

We’ll see how it goes.

Categories: Mental Health, The World | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Sunday Quotables

These may just be irritating to some people…which makes me laugh. But they might be a nice thing for others. I figured, if most of these quotes come from smart-ish philosophers, brilliant authors, or catchy poets they’d carry a little more weight and not come off so preachy or Pollyanna-ish.

Take ’em or leave ’em. It’s my Sunday contribution. Enjoy.

“Everyone wants happiness, nobody wants pain. But you can’t have a rainbow, without a little rain.” – Author Unknown

(Honestly wouldn’t this look cute on a meme with a happy little rainbow? or maybe a double rainbow?)

Then there’s this great idea from Robert Frost, of “two roads diverged in a yellow wood” fame. I figure he must know a little something about happiness. And Sunflowers make me happy, so voilà.

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And who could argue with Immanuel Kant.

“Rules for Happiness:

something to do,

someone to love,

something to hope for.”

–Immanuel Kant (this link takes you to a slightly PG rated 3 minute philosophy buzz about Kant – highly entertaining, but maybe discounts his believability as the author of this particular quote.)

And then there’s this lovely thought by Jane Austen that captures how I’ve felt lately…

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Categories: Happiness, Humor, Joy | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Weather, I Like It or Not

Tornado sirens keep going off in my head.

Nope, I don’t live in Oklahoma anymore.

All the noise and turmoil jostles me from the inside, mostly in my head, but my stomach seems involved as well. This happens sometimes in the summer, at least it does here in the desert.

Maybe my body and brain attempt to hibernate like those frogs from around here that emerge for a brief season and then burrow underground until the next wet season. Unfortunately that’s not an option for we humanoids.

English: cloud and rain, weather forecast symbol

Cloud and rain, weather forecast symbol (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hibernating sounds delightful doesn’t it? Sleep for three to five months while the land bakes, crackles, pulls away from the edges and curls up in tight little fists. I’m certain this climate wasn’t intended for human consumption. Look at how many hoops we have to jump through to make it habitable. Miles of canals, cavernous wells, refrigerated air, draining a river dry before it reaches its final destination.

Clearly the heat plays its games with my neurons, my electrolytes, my sense of well-being. Surely I’m a snow bird with a need to fly north with the spring winds, then waft back on southern breezes during the winter months. Can someone please tell my bank account about my true nature and needs? Being stuck here in 110 plus degrees turns me into a pillar of salt as I look back at all the moderate, temperate, reasonable places we’ve lived. Even twenty below winters sound mild in comparison to this silliness.

I recently spent three weeks up north in cooler country, admittedly mostly indoors. But, it was still gloriously cool in the evenings, reasonable in the daytime, tolerable any time. So, coming back to the desert has thrown my body into conniptions.

I’d forgotten that taking a walk any later than eight in the morning might result in a daylong headache. It had slipped my mind that stepping outdoors for a breath of fresh air might not smell the least bit fresh. Burnt and over baked and ozonated, yes, but fresh, no. I had easily let the hard truth of endless summer filter out of my consciousness.

Stepping off the plane into the physical onslaught of oppressive heat, even in the relative shelter of the temporary hallway from plane to terminal, left me feeling drained of energy and instantly tired. My very cell remembered, even if my head forgot, that desert summers suck the life out of a person. Literally and figuratively.

Sorry for being such a downer today. The transition has been a brutal one. And that’s WITH a great air conditioning system.

This time of year the seven-day forecast teasingly shows pictures of clouds with raindrops. Then, in the fine print below the cloud something like “10%” or “20%” shows up. They call that a chance of rain. I call it teasing. I call that false advertising. In fact, it’s downright mean.

English: A example of Cumulus congestus which ...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Many mornings I wake to billowing cloud formations tinged in pinks and corals with a promise of moisture in the air. I’ve learned not to fall for the ploy. Late afternoons do something similar with huge plumes of clouds over the distant mountains taunting and laughing with the potential of a downpour. The clouds lift to dizzying heights, establish an anvil shape and collapse into a dry, hot wind and then disappear.

I think straight blue sky is easier to take than those pretender clouds. At least with blue you know where you stand. Heat, all day, no matter what.

Sure, someday the cool weather will arrive. Someday after Halloween usually. And by cool I mean high temperatures that don’t breach the one hundred degree Fahrenheit mark.

Kids come out of the woodwork on a day where the temps are under one hundred. It’s the jackpot, the lalapalooza, the signaling of the end of cabin fever days stuck inside with recirculated air and inactivity. I can hardly wait to see frisbees soaring, lacrosse sticks flying, children on the playground, night games in the park and pickup football scrimmages.

Even more I look forward to planting my fall/winter garden.

It’ll happen. Eventually.

Until then I watch.

I wait.

I hope for rain.

Categories: Mental Health, Nature, Outdoors, The World | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Accessing My Inner Two Year-Old

Two Year-old kids get a bad rap. 

Oh sure, I’ve seen the meltdowns in the grocery store, the toy wars in the sandbox, the frazzled parents trying to get a tot cooperatively moving in the direction and speed they need to go. I also raised a few two year-old kids myself, although, admittedly that is ancient history.

I suppose it’s a case of the squeaky wheel when it comes to two year-old behavior. What most people see and experience is the negatives, of which admittedly, there exist quite a few.

There are redeeming qualities in two year-olds, apart from their general cuteness, and their adorable options in the clothing department. What is up with that anyway? How come little kids have such fun, bright, practical and comfortable pants, shirts, shoes and even sock options? Can we please just design a few of those in adult sizes? I have a particular fondness for Osh Kosh B’gosh styles which I think I’d look great in. Or not.

Sorry, I got sidetracked.

That right there is a two-year-old trait. Easily sidetracked. It’s one of those plus/minus categories. It can work for you or against you. Distraction is particularly important as you maneuver past any grocery items that might not be healthy choices. If I could distract my attention away from the donuts, soda and ice cream I’d leave the store with healthier options and a bit more cash left in my wallet. Dropping some niggling problem like a two year-old changes gears could help out my stress levels. Worry, worry, worry, oh look, something shiny, no worries. If only.

Two year-olds are usually a friendly sort. They’ll wave and smile at most people who say hello or smile at them. They’re eager to play with almost any willing playpal. I’ve seen two’s dance for an hour at a wedding reception without ever exchanging names or phone numbers. They were just happy dancing! That distraction thing then kicks in when punch and cake show up and the evening plays off as a massive success.

Double the fun with a two-year-old

Double the fun with a two-year-old

Here and Now

Two’s live in the moment. This very moment. There is no “in a few minutes.” Everything is now. That’s an enviable trait to copy. This right now takes all my attention. No yesterday haunts me as I do what I’m doing. Tomorrow doesn’t loom because I’m living the moment I’m in. Sure, that leans to the negative if taken to extremes, but so can overplanning, over scheduling and overdoing.

Empathy Abounds

One particular two year-old I know acts quickly to literally wipe away tears when her mom or sister cry. If the tears last long enough she’ll run for the tissues and bring some to help staunch the flow. Then she gives a wonderful full on hug and a kiss on the cheek. What a perfect response. Twos get it. They feel that full range of emotion loud and clear and when they hear or see it in someone else their empathy sensors kick in to high gear. “I see you’re sad. Let me help, even if I don’t understand why you’re sad, I’m gonna do what I can right now to give love, attention and solace.” Perfect. Those Two’s notice, care and respond to grief, sadness and unfairness with a quick hand.

Honest to a T

Honesty abounds in two year-old, mostly. They let you know when something is “yucky” or they “don’t like it.” There’s no fudging around, wondering what the correct response should be. Yes or no rule. Maybe doesn’t exist. Count on them for a real answer. I’d like the bravery to act and speak so definitively.

The advantages of being a house dog in a home ...

Two two-year-olds sharing with the dog. (Photo credit: EraPhernalia Vintage . . . (playin’ hook-y ;o))

It’s MINE! Except when I share it

Amazingly, the mine, mine, mine mindset that two year-olds often operate from can sometimes magically morph into sharing. Fairly generous sharing if you don’t mind half a mashed cookie or squishy banana bites. They don’t wonder if the gift they’re offering is good enough, measures up to your expectations and standards, or even if you want or need it. They just give and let it go at that. Good idea, I think, to apply to my life.

And surprisingly, there are times when the “mine” mentality needs implementing. Getting adequate sleep, eating well, meeting our basic emotional and physical needs so we can give from a position of strength rather than giving until we fizzle out.

Simplicity Rules

Simple things easily entertain a two year old. No need to buy elaborate toys when they’d prefer the box the toy comes in. The top of a soft drink cup can keep some kids going for a good fifteen minutes, popping and unpopping the “bubbles” for coke, diet, and other over and over and over. This is another two year-old trait I’d like to emulate. Not that I’m simple minded, but I’d like satisfaction to come by simple, pure sorts of things that require imagination and activity rather than sitting and being spoon-fed couch potato food. I don’t need or want bells and whistles and flash and bang. A great book, a walk in the woods, a discussion with friends,  music, bike riding, art, thinking. The more basic, the better.

Wall-e and Two’s

Recently, while watching “Wall-e” my daughter pointed out that little robotic dude behaves in many ways just like a two year-old. She was right. Focused, and yet easily distracted. Curious and driven. Playful and loyal. Simply entertained, generous, direct as possible, happy to help.

I’m lucky to have a two year-old in my life. She’s teaching me to be a better, calmer, generous, happier, responsive, more in the moment me. When I access those great traits I find a simple joy in life. It’s something to keep in mind. Food for thought.

Two-year-old’s: worthy of emulation.

Categories: Humor, People | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Party On!

As a wee lass, I measured my life by holidays.

The year began with useless efforts to stay awake until midnight on New Years Eve. Upon waking the next morning after a solid night’s sleep I began the countdown to Valentine’s day and Washington and Lincoln’s birthdays. (that will date me…)

English: A milk chocolate Easter Bunny.

I spent the next four weeks fruitlessly looking for a green clothing item for Saint Patrick’s Day. And was always confused about when I’d get to eat the ears off of my Easter Bunny and slowly savor my foil wrapped chocolate eggs.

Memorial Day meant school would be out for summer break. Mid-summer brought the fourth of July with camping and sparklers. Then Labor Day was the marker for the end of three long and blissful school-free months. The endless two month wait until the Halloween candy-palooza felt like a drought. Thanksgiving quickly followed and then Holiday of holidays, Christmas magic would arrive, marking the end of another year.

Another critically important celebration fell in August, the most important month of the year. Owing to the fact I was born and then yearly celebrated in August, it was my favorite month.

And now other reasons exist to mark my August calendar!

Just so you’ll be aware and not miss out on any epic parties or giveaways, I thought I’d clue you in as well.

COME FLY WITH ME!

Party Balloons

Party time! (Photo credit: redfern.biz)

This week is National Aviation Week: well, technically, the 15th through the 21st, which is aptly enough always the week of Orville Wright’s birthday. That would be today, the 19th. The year was 1871. (Not sure how Wilbur, the older brother, would feel about that. Just for your information he was born on April 16, 1867.) I am eternally grateful for both of them and will celebrate this week appropriately by flying the (hopefully) friendly skies and saving myself a fourteen hour drive and the price of whatever repairs my car would inevitably require along the way. Someone should write a song to celebrate these guys. Seriously. (Haim? Jason?)

SWEET SOMETHINGS

One of the best ways I know to celebrate is with cake. Cupcake Day, coincidently, falls on every third Monday of August. That’s today, the 19th. My DIL (hey there, Stephalicious!) bakes cupcakes of such magnificence it seems almost criminal not to eat more than one. Practically a national secret, her frosting recipe excites every taste bud with delight and deliciousness. The cake itself practically floats into your mouth. The combination of top-secret frosting and rich fluffy cake produces instant joy and relaxation. Makes me really wonder what she puts in them. Hmm.  Alas, until my plane ride later this week, her miniature cakes of wonder are out of reach. Happy Cupcake Day anyway!

Bison Goat

Not leaping, but a goat, nonetheless. (Photo credit: im me)

“NO CRACKERS, GROMIT! WE’VE FORGOTTEN THE CRACKERS!” 

The last holiday I’ll highlight includes a shout out to one of my favorite restaurants in the Phoenix area, Flancer’s. Also known in my household as The Leaping Goat Place. August is, wait for the drum roll ******** (okay, the drummer stepped out for a minute) National Goat Cheese Month! I kid you not. There’s a webpage devoted to this monthlong cheese fest. Everything Feta and beyond exists there. To celebrate I’m thinking several visits to my favorite leaping goat are in order. Once for the “It’s about Thyme” sandwich. Once for the “Prickly Pear” sandwich. And once for something new. That’s three visits in less than twelve days. I might be getting a bit too wild here. 

I love my holidays. Except, as an adult Christmas isn’t as fun as it was when I was a kid. But that is a blog post of a different color.

SPECIAL THANKS!

Thanks to brownielocks.com for their wonderful compilation of as they put it, “Unknown, Unobserved, Untraditional, Silly, Strange, Crazy, Odd, sometimes Bizarre, Goofy, Crazy, Dumb, Wacky, Weird, Wild, Respected and Traditional Holidays or Observances mostly only in the United States.” (Cupcake Day is an  Australian Holiday.)

Check them out. You might find even more reasons to celebrate in your year.

Categories: Food, Fun, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Don’t Forget to Breathe

Once in a while a writing prompt from WordPress vibrates one of those inner strings. Today’s did.

“What are you putting off? Why?”

Give me an hour or two and I’ll think this one over and write more on the topic. Plus I’ve got a few things I need to take care of.

Seriously.

Okay, I’m back. I didn’t procrastinate quite as long on this as I thought I might.

Here’s what I thought about.

Attending to Flight Attendants

(Photo credit: Felix_Nine)

Y’know on the airplane when the flight attendants do their safety spiel? There’s that part about if the cabin pressure suddenly drops then oxygen masks will drop in front of you. They then tell you that if you’re traveling with young children or a person who requires assistance you should put on your own mask first. Once your oxygen mask is in place then you help others with their oxygen masks.

That goes against every instinct most parents have. Kids always come first, don’t they? Almost always. And if you’re a caregiver, priority number one is the person you care for.

The reason behind these instructions of putting on your own oxygen mask first is simple. In the time it takes for you to help someone else with their mask, you might not get enough oxygen to be coherent or conscious enough to put on your own.

What in the heck does this have to do with what I procrastinate?

My procrastination problem involves neglecting my own needs in favor of almost everyone else’s needs.

Why?

Because I have this drive to make other people feel happy, comfortable, loved, cared for, safe, needed and known.That’s who I am. I feel almost selfish when I take time for myself. It’s always been a paradox to figure out how to meet my own needs while caring for others.

The result of this procrastination of my rest, my food, my exercise, my down time, my mental and spiritual nurturing is burnout, exhaustion, lack of clear thinking, self-pity, depression and ineffective use of time.

Surely there is a solution.

In the past my solution has been to wake up earlier, or stay up later, or both in order to take care of me. Which then eats into my sleep time. After a while, that “solution” has created more of a problem than a help. I’m overly tired, cranky, whiny and not very kind or patient. I start to resent those people I’m wanting to serve. Generosity and niceness fly out the window.

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(Photo credit: drbrain)

I’m not sure I have a solution yet. But the image of an oxygen mask dropped in front of my face keeps popping into my head.

Do you think that’s a clue?

Putting me first makes sense, logically. Implementing that solution requires mental rewiring and emotional redirects.

I’m not so sure I can pull it off. But I need to.

Putting myself first.

Taking care of me.

Me first.

Hmm.

Looks like I have some work to do.

Categories: Family, Mental Health, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , | 7 Comments

An open letter to the jane q. public i wrote those tickets to…

A must read blog post that will make you think…

donofalltrades's avatardon of all trades

Dear Jane Q. Public:

I recently became aware that you took a few minutes out of your life to send an online complaint to my Department’s Internal Affairs Division because you were upset that I would not listen to your excuses about why you drove through that red light a couple of weeks ago and also because I addressed you in a tone that you thought was less than respectful. You also thought that it was ridiculous that I wrote you an additional ticket for not having your two year old buckled into a car seat.

I’ve been given a copy of the letter because I have to take time that could be used patrolling the streets in order to address the complaints you’ve lodged against me to my superiors as well as to the Internal Affairs Division.

I do remember writing you those tickets, yes. I recall that you…

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Categories: People, Traffic | 1 Comment

What’s for Lunch?

Coconut cream pie.

Photo of a slice of coconut cream pie. Taken a...

An ice-filled glass of coke, or two.

(Not the diet stuff, but the real live sugar saturated elixir.)

That was lunch today.

I feel better emotionally now. Not so much in the tummy. My heart has a little bit of zippiness going, y’know, that extra little beat occasionally?

Honestly, I stayed up too late watching a couple of episodes from season six of “Burn Notice” that just made it onto Netflix. It’s my nightly decompression fix lately. So, sleep deprivation might factor in to the heart fluttery thing and the craving for caffeine and sugar.

Stress could be part of it. Just possibly.

It’s not fun seeing your parents have to rewrite and reorder and realign their lives as illness throws obstacles in their path. I want to fix it all. I want to make everything better, dial back the clock five weeks and somehow circumnavigate the whole stroke thing. I want to move in permanently and be a cushion, bubble wrap, the go-to guy, backup, a wingman.

Obviously, I can’t.

I know, I know. They’re going to be just fine. More than fine. I hope. Between the two of them they outnumber my experience and wisdom by a good one hundred years. Do I sound like I’m trying to convince myself? I’m a lousy motivational speaker.

pink miniature rose against blue sky background

(Photo credit: Vanessa Pike-Russell)

Didn’t I just suggest a day or two ago on this very blog that I ought to “worry less.” Yeah, I did. I’m not so good at following my own advice. I suppose I need to post something about getting enough sleep. Maybe I’d be better at following that advice. Or not.

Life isn’t always roses and blue skies. Sometimes it hurts.

So.

The pie. And the Coke.

It’s probably a really good thing I’m not a drinking woman.

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