childhood | Kami's Beautiful Morning

Posts Tagged With: childhood

Childhood Revisited: Swinging In From a Star

Posted on December 8, 2012 by Kami

Today’s post is a response to this WordPress Daily Post writing prompt.: “What is your earliest memory? Describe it in detail, and tell us why you think that experience was the one to stick with you.”

Pressing my face into the mesh of memory, I’ve searched and searched for details from my earliest childhood. My attempts to peel back the layers, clarify the view and remove the dust and cobwebs find little substance.

The few memories that surface are vague at best. I couldn’t tell you how old I was, only where I was, but not when. It’s as if I’m waiting for movie clips about myself from the outside like an independent observer. But in reality the only point of view is from the inside looking out. There aren’t any movie trailers.

Well, there are those 8mm films my parents took. But that’s a memory of a memory.

There is this one clear, unchanging mental image, my first memory, my first awareness of being. My first experience with me-ness.

I am walking between my dad and my mom, going up the street towards our little white clapboard house. Each of them has taken hold of one of my hands. Whether I could walk on my own, I have no idea. Maybe I was young enough that they were encouraging walking, or I could have been older and needing to be kept in check by the two of them. The world is vague and blotchy, all color and wash. The features of most things have no distinct form or shape. Our house is the only clear landmark.

The sensation of a hand in each of theirs is vivid; warmth and energy pulse into me. And then, suddenly, I am soaring up and out, secured between them like a swing. Then I am walking on the ground again. I hear, “One, two, three!” and I sail out into the air again, safely tethered to them both.

Multiple times they count and launch me heavenward. Each “three” creates the sensation of my body feeling free and ephemeral, accompanied by gravity’s pull back between them. Whether I spoke the words or merely thought them, my mind says, “again,” after each swing out and back.

night sky (Photo credit: dcysurfer / Dave Young)

I remember laughter, mine or theirs. Both, I’m sure.

I could easily believe a tale of my birth as a launching from heaven, lofted into the cosmos, riding a wave of star dust and gently landing between my father and mother. Caught between the two of them, I scatter dust from my journey as I swing back and forth, back and forth. It’s a fairy tale worth holding on to.

My earliest memory of childhood makes it feel as if I came swinging into this world suspended between them, held fast by love and joy.

Categories: Love, Memory Lane, parenting, Wondering | Tags: childhood, Childhood memory, daily post, Memory, parents | 6 Comments

Bird on the Wing and Sheets to the Wind

Posted on October 12, 2012 by Kami

We had a tree in the back yard that I used to climb. Don’t get too excited, it wasn’t very big by adult standards. I don’t even remember what kind it was or what color the leaves changed to in the fall. A sturdy, low, side angled branch, its most distinguishing feature, made it easy to climb. On more than a few occasions I climbed that tree with a sheet, or blanket or cape of some kind, determined to use its height as my launch pad, my runway, my base for a flying leap.

My childish imagination and child-like faith saw me soaring on the sails I held tightly waded in my fist. If the wind were blowing hard enough, I reasoned, I’d be able to stay aloft at least sixty seconds. I’ll admit there were doubts floating about my head, which I tried to extinguish, but hope won out over fear as I made my way to the outer limbs.

I would look out at the back yard, cautiously eye the power line looping low from a pole to the house. Then, I would envision myself lifting into the air. Closing my eyes I’d leap out into a gust of wind. I was always surprised that there wasn’t even the least little sensation of lift, hesitation or sense of flight. The ground came up to meet me quickly and decisively.

My feet usually had that burning sensation from landing so hard, a sort of instant but fleeting numbness kept me on the grass. Analyzing the situation I almost always concluded that I just didn’t believe enough. Gravity, lift, or physics never entered my equation. I was sure that my doubts pulled me down and kept me grounded.

If the wind stayed gusty I would often try several more times. Climbing with my sheet or towel, thinking birdlike thoughts, willing it to be possible, I repeatedly leapt out into the invisible air certain THIS time would be it.

Hope versus reason. Naysayers abound. Negativity runs rampant. One seldom hears of miracles. And yet…

And yet, we all still climb. We climb out of bed and face a difficult day. We climb into our cars and work at a soul-numbing job to support a family. We climb over the obstacles that life throws at us and we keep moving. We climb a mountain of despair after a loss and hope for less pain and brighter days. We climb through the paperwork and jump through the hoops to get the support and help a loved one needs. We climb and we climb and we climb.

And every day we make that leap of faith and hope.

I am still a flightless child. But inside, part of me still thinks the seemingly impossible could be possible if I just keep trying.