When did you last have an all out, stomach grabbing, nearly fall off of your chair belly laugh?
I ask myself that very question every couple of weeks, as a kind of mental health checkup. If I’m not getting in a great laugh at least once a week, then I need to find a really good comedy to watch or read. Better yet, I need my cousin to email me some great jokes. She has a great sense of humor and wonderful comedic timing.
It’s been a while since I’ve had a good laugh, so I’ve been online looking for something to tickle my funny bone. What follows is a few choice results of good, clean funny stuff my marathon running cousin has sent me in the past couple of years. Thanks, “cuz” for the great laughs!
I hope you enjoy a good chortle or giggle, like I did.
New Definitions
This one’s been circulated a bunch because it’s funny. Take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some winners:
Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon : It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido : All talk and no action.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
Alternate Meanings for Common Words
Here’s some alternate meanings for common words:
1. Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. absent-mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
Comics (Photo credit: Richard Masoner / Cyclelicious)
Titles of some of the World’s Shortest Books: (warning, not Politically Correct)
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY By Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan Illustrated by Michael Moore And Prefaced by George Soros
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL By Hillary Clinton
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY By Bill Clinton
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD By Bill Gates
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY By Dennis Rodman
GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC By Amelia Earhart
Kami's Beautiful Morning 