Apple, Not Pumpkin, You Silly People You

We had our first outdoor shindig of the reasonable seasonable weather last night. Ah, everything you could wish for was going on. Well, almost. One daughter and her man were missing.

We had the grill throwing up three foot high flames, a bit of a puddle to splash in, music wafting onto the patio, a babe sleeping in someone’s arms, the smell of bread baking indoors and shrimp on the finally tamed barbie. Hugs, kisses, dancing, a board game, a couple napping, laughter, olive fingers and way too much food. And to top it all off, three choices of dessert, lemon bars, cream puffs, or, wait for it, wait for it, yes, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies.

You know I had to throw some pumpkin in the mix because it’s autumn and autumn apparently means pumpkin, although I’m not quite sure why. Probably because whoever grows and markets pumpkin has a massive campaign blitz going from here to Antarctica to sell the darn stuff or else. There’s stuff out there that should never include the word or texture of pumpkin. Fudge, hot chocolate, cider, soup.

Ew. Just don’t!

Please people, lets exercise a little reason out there!!

One of dozens of varieties of the glorious autumn harbinger, the apple.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip cookies, a seasonal fixture in the grocery store.

The infamous apple cutter corer thing.

Brach’s Carmels, the perfect accompaniment to the lowly, lovely apple.

To me apple is the fruit o’ the season. Apple crisp with it’s cinnamon and nutmeg crunchy topping with a little ice-cream melting on the side says Autumn like nothing else. Don’t forget apple pie and apple cider and, yes, apple fritters. And the creme de la creme, carmel apples.

That shiny golden brown chewiness on a stick beckons teeth and lips and gums to sink in as you become one with drippy stickiness. Can’t you just feel your chin collecting that sugary glue covered sensation.

I worry some about my dental work getting destroyed by the succulence and power of the lowly carmel apple. And because of that worry I came up with a highly acceptable alternative.

This is kind of a recipe, which I don’t generally do, so you might want to pay attention at this point.

(This point.)

Yes, this is where you really need to pay attention. Thank you.

1. In a tiny glass bowl place five unwrapped Brach’s caramels.
2. Add two teaspoons of water.
3. Nuke in the microwave for thirty seconds. Stir with a fork. If not melted all the way, nuke again for thirty more seconds.
4. If this mixture isn’t all creamy and delectable by now you’ve probably overcooked it. So sad. Although microwaves can be finicky and maybe you’ve undercooked it, but not likely. Punt. Or try again. I guess.
5. Cut up one apple, which variety is purely your choice.. I prefer using one of the apple corer/slicer things <== (highly technical name of the device.) You can use a paring knife to cut slices as well. The thinner the better but not too thin. If you make this often enough you’ll get the right ratio eventually.
6. Find a cozy, secluded spot and dip your apple slices into your melted carmel mixture. Enjoy every bite without fear of losing your fillings, molars or any other teeth parts. And no sticky chin!

There you have it. The perfect personal autumn treat. The quintessential dessert improved and perfected. Who knew such things were possible?

*No pumpkins were harmed in the making of this blog post.

**Now apples being harmed, that might be a different story.