What I Miss About You

photo by Richard Croft

So apparently there’s no texting allowed in heaven or I’d have heard from you by now. Dang it.

I figured maybe, just maybe, you’d get a split second or two to do some reading, since you love to read. So I thought if I wrote out some thoughts I’d had lately, you’d get the message somehow. Call me naïve, or silly or weird, I don’t care.

Also, you’ve been on my mind more than ever, imagine that. I find myself thinking of things I need to tell you about, and then remember you aren’t close by to just drop in and have a chat with. So I’ve been kind of keeping a mental list of things to talk with you about. Maybe you won’t mind if I drop you a letter once in a while to sort of make sure I’m staying connected with you somehow.

For my first letter to you I’ve come up with a list.

It’s a list of just some of the things I’ve missed about you since you left almost a month ago:

• How insistent you are about being on time, and others being on time, too. Like a contract, you always say.
• Seeing your face light up when you think about, talk about or get a text or a call from your husband.
• How you always say, “love you” when I leave, and how I know you mean it.
• Hearing about your wild and crazy daycare adventures.
• Being completely comfortable in my skin with I’m with you. No need to weigh my words, or be careful about what I say or do.
• Finding you sitting in “your spot” on the third floor at the Mayo, when I wander up from parking the van. That smile I get when you see me finally come around the corner.
• How you don’t like it when we end up wearing the same color shirt to go somewhere together.
• Getting a text from you asking “what ya doing?” and knowing it means I get to spend time with you.
• Talking about books and movies and kids and husbands and life and death and religion and politics.
• How you watch the clock for Sonic Happy Hour to roll around.
• Eating pita bread and hummus while we talk nonstop, then being too full to eat our Fatoosh salad or Kabob.
• Picking up a conversation with no glitches or strangeness after two or three or even four weeks of not seeing each other.
• How you aren’t afraid or hesitant to ask for what you need or for what you want.
• Finally being over a cough or cold so I cold come hang out again.
• Having you help me make sense of the latest weird development in my strange life and how you say it makes your life seem normal by comparison.
• Taking photos of your blooming bushes or my wildflowers to show you, or having you point out the cactus in bloom when we drive.
• Feeling at home in THE CHAIR in your room and talking about nothing and everything.
• Getting fries from McDonald’s and a Frosty from Wendy’s.
• How vigilant you are when babysitting your daughter’s stuffed animals and dolls.
• Saying it like you see it, no sugar added.
• Just being together whenever and wherever.
• Feeling like one of the cool “in” people when I’m with you.
• Knowing I have someone who totally gets me without having to lay it out in detail.

So that’s all I can think of at the moment to tell you about. Except, I’m feeling pretty lucky to have you for a friend. You’re one of a kind, in case I forgot to tell you. Oh, and I love you and miss you like you can’t believe.

I’m guessing you’re busy being all angelic and stuff. I get that. So don’t worry about trying to get in touch.

Mostly I feel like you’re right here in my heart anyway. I can hear your voice in my head, telling me to crank the tunes, open the sunroof and enjoy my Diet Coke. I’m trying to do just that, cuz you’d want me to. But, it’s not just the same without you in the passenger seat.

photo by Reinhard Dietrich

Try to stay out of trouble up there.

I miss you.

Your bestie,

Kami