Monthly Archives: February 2015

What A Card!

Friday Letter to My Kids – February 27, 2015 –

Dear J, J, L and L,

So I’ve been slowly sorting through some of those boxes of papers I told you about. It’s like watching a glacier move. Oy vey!

But I’ve run across some real gems among the odd pieces of paper I can’t for the life of me figure out why I still have in my possession. Old church bulletins, receipts from ten years ago, to do lists with half the items scratched off, envelopes with nothing in them, bills from forever ago. Sadly there have even been some grocery ads in the piles.

I shake my head at myself.

But that’s beside the point. The point today is I found treasures among the flotsam!

I’m talking about treasures like this card from Big L. It so perfectly captures the essence of our family life then and now.

Boy, that’s an understatement!

What it says inside is even more priceless.

Which reminded me of other cards you all have gifted Dad and I over the years. Like this one on Dad’s desk, which gets funnier considering the non-scruffy awesome dude Little J ended up with.

Princess Leia rocks!

And this one from just last year that I seriously want to frame. Sparkly orange and practically daring me to feel happy, its message has brightened the kitchen and my days for a while now.

Bringing it!

And this reminder from Little L that in spite of all the weirdness of life we should still dance, love, sing and live with abandon and joy.

Good advice!

I think this card from Big J to Dad captures what family life often felt like for each of you, especially as we moved around so much and finances were rollercoasterish.

Close to the truth, sort of.

Closer, still.

Getting this postcard in the mail from Switzerland made my day, as did seeing it again recently! I loved that you had that chance, Little J, to explore Europe with nothing but a backpack, a friend and courage. That you made that dream happen in real life, not just once, but twice, makes it even better!

Aw…Switzerland!

I know I can’t keep every greeting card from every celebration. But there’s definitely some worth saving. I’m thinking I need a binder just for the best of those cards. They capture funny moments and sweet reminders. You never know when a card you pick out will brighten someone’s day beyond the day it’s meant for. These sure have added light to mine.

You each bring light to my life regularly, often through some remembrance of a time with one of you, a conversation, an event, jumps to the front of my thoughts and briefly I relive the joy, the angst, the laughter, the strangeness, the us of that moment. It gives today perspective and depth and light. You each have, and still do, bring me joy. Exponential joy!! Thank you for that. I’m pretty sure no card exists that expresses quite what I feel toward the four of you.

I look forward to all the future moments we share, whether in person, or through a card, an email, text, Facebook, private message, phone call or Skype. I love seeing your lives opening out and becoming what they are.

All my love,

Mom

~~~~~

Love from Mom

“What a card” = a phrase meaning an amusing or eccentric person

Categories: Friday Letter to My Kids, Friday Letters | Tags: Cards, childhood, Family, family life, Friday letter, Friday Letter to my Kids, Greeting Cards, memorabilia, Snail Mail | Leave a comment

Clean as a Whistle and Twice as Musical

Posted on February 23, 2015 by Kami

It’s Gratituesday! Today I’m thankful that the day is over with. This is a day I’ve dreaded and avoided for almost five years.

My buddy Kathy used to nag me about this day. I ignored her. And she was not an easy person to ignore. But, I finally did it. She can rest easier now.

And I’m here to say I survived the entire process leading up to today. Which at the time seemed impossible.

Should be a controlled substance.

Notice I didn’t say I enjoyed the process. I did prepare as best as I possibly could. I found some great info online which I’ll include at the bottom (ahem) of this post so you can, when you eventually find yourself in need of the info, easily find it for your own reference.

This snippet from Dave Barry helped lighten the mood when I was in the thick of thin things.

Basically if you’re under fifty you can just stop reading now. Seriously. Just stop. Now.

I mean that.

I really do.

Stop.

So if you’re still reading and under fifty, you’re a glutton for punishment. There are things about life that it’s best just not to anticipate. Things like getting older.

As a teenager I swore I would be one of those adults that never acted or got old. I was going to ride my bike to work rain or shine. I would also have one of those I love nature-gardening-healthy-living tans. I would hike mountains even when I got as ancient as forty.

I had this image of adult life based on, I don’t know, zero facts about reality. Things like what pregnancies do to a woman’s body, or how endless years of sleep deprivation take a toll. Or the harsh reality of how eating chocolate to ward off mood swings leads to harder drugs like diet coke which apparently contains stealth fat cells riding in on non-sugarlike substances magically becoming toxins that make you look hundreds of years old and make you want more chocolate.

My adult life plan pretty much was everything my life as an adult has never even remotely resembled. That sentence made no sense. I blame the drugs from earlier today. And the lack of food.

I’ve only gone without food since 9:30 this morning. But that’s a technicality. Liquids don’t really count as food. Salted carmel is still on the table for whether or not it counts as a clear liquid. I say yes now, but I said no yesterday, which is probably for the best.

I’m just so relieved. (Poor word choice, I know.) But I am literally and figuratively relieved that this is all in the past.

What is it Timon and Pumba say to Simba?

“Ya gotta put your behind in the past.”

Sounds about right.

The dreaded C word happened. and now it’s over and I don’t have to think about it again for ten whole years.

Yes!!

The C word? Oh, not the BIG C word. The little c word. Colonoscopy.

And really, the procedure itself isn’t so bad, especially since I had some happy medication to put me into what the nice doctor called “a chemical sleep.” She put something in my IV then asked me about my best vacation ever and then I woke up. I felt happy and relaxed and so glad to be done.

Next time I’ll leave my phone at home.

In fact, on the way home I kept laughing for no reason. And then I texted my daughter this:

And then I banned myself from the internet for a few hours.

Like most things in life it’s the preparation before hand that takes it outta ya.

I’m talking about the following: A clear liquid diet for twenty-four hours. Followed by four Dulcolax tablets, a gallon of lemon Gatorade mixed with the harshest chemical ever invented and a long night sitting commando in “the reading room.”

My friend texted me this morning to see how I was doing. My response…”I feel drained.”

If you didn’t click on the Dave Barry link earlier, you definitely should now, because 1) no one can describe how my evening went last night better than he does and 2) no way will I attempt to put such an experience in my own words.

Thank goodness for Netflix and it’s portable distraction.

Never ever again will I drink lemon Gatorade. Or think about lemon Gatorade or look at it either. In fact I might be cured of all forms of artificial lemon flavoring for life.

Give me some food, and I don’t mean cucumber honey lemonade. I want a salted carmel sundae and some bruschetta. Well, on second thought, maybe some nice warm creamy soup and some good bread with real butter first.

To paraphrase Maxine, the grouchy Hallmark card lady: “I have inner beauty…and I have the pictures from my colonoscopy to prove it.”

So grateful today, and yesterday, are behind me.

~~~~~

Here’s Twenty-Seven Insider Tips from people who’ve been there done that.

Categories: Gratitude, Gratituesday, Humor | Tags: Cancer Screening, Colonoscopy, Colonoscopy Prep, Getting Older, Gratitude, Gratituesday, Humor, laughter, Over Fifty | 3 Comments

Tiny Toes and Sticky Fingers and The Best Snuggles Ever

Posted on February 17, 2015 by Kami

It’s Gratituesday! It’s been a day where I couldn’t narrow down just one thankful thing. The day simply felt abundant and overflowing.

But then, I had some company for the evening. That helped me focus on my best thing for today, or most days for that matter.

Tiny toes, big energy.

See these little toes? They’re attached to a bundle of mischief and non-stop energy. It’s almost miraculous that I’ve ever captured a picture of them at rest. They belong to my favorite one-year old.

She and her sister spent a few hours at my place while their parents took a breather. MSH played his jazzy stuff on the piano while they danced and I looked on, loving their creativity. Then I suggested we trade places so he could see what great dancers they’ve become. They know how to move like you wouldn’t believe. But, sadly, I don’t play the fun songs you can dance to. I play the kind of songs kids sing along with.

The one-year old climbed up on my lap and helped me play the piano, just like her mother used to do at that age. As I turned the pages of the songbook, the Big Yellow Songbook, and played and sang, I realized I’d come full circle again.

You see, my mother used to play those songs for me on the piano while she sang and I looked at the pictures. Then I played for my daughter. And I played for her oldest daughter and tonight I played for the youngest.

I wanted to freeze the moment, take a forever photo. But the one-year old got squirmy and climbed down and the moment slipped away. I suppose an image and a feeling mentally stored is the best I ought to hope for.

I know I’m lucky to get to experience such a collision of past and present. I’m grateful I noticed when it happened.

Life doesn’t usually morph into slow motion complete with background music at the important scenes. Sometimes we don’t have a clue that we just witnessed a pivotal interaction until much, much later. They don’t usually arrive on holidays, or at orchestrated photo sessions, or during recitals or at organized events.

Most of the time the important stuff occurs without fanfare or fireworks.

Thankfully I had a chance to watch dancing and sing songs and, (here’s the important part) I paid attention. Lucky me.

Now my heart is dancing to the music.

Categories: Family, Gratitude, Gratituesday | Tags: children, Family, Grandchildren, Gratitude, Gratituesday, paying attention, pivitol moments | Leave a comment

Curing my Paper Addiction

Posted on February 13, 2015 by Kami

Friday Letter to my Kids ~ 2/13/15 ~

Dear J, J, L and L,

My favorite three-year old gifted me these origami cranes a while ago. No, she’s not an origami master, but her mother’s pretty handy in all things crafty. They’ve got a few of these hanging around at their house. Using paper that’s been previously written on adds value to the pieces. I can make out a few words but would have to completely dismantle the crane to read what it actually says. That’s kind of where origami began, as a way of sending a message where the reader would know if it had been read because the folding sequence would be out of whack.

I love paper. Notebooks, book books, notecards, drawings, sticky notes, envelopes. (Not so much a fan of mail though, bills, advertisements, newspapers.) You probably knew that.

I’ve always liked the idea of handcrafted papers, I love their textures and the uniqueness of each page. It’s as if the blank paper is already art and whatever you write on them enhances or is enhanced by the medium it’s written on.

Did you know paper once was a very rare commodity? I learned that recently. Kind of made me want to hoard a few notebooks.

Oh, wait. I already have a paper stash. Actually more like a used paper warehouse. But you know that. You lived with it all your growing up years. And it’s not really a stash, it’s more of a paper monster.

Not sure if this is the paper monster or me afraid of the thing.

I’m slowly getting it tamed. Pulling such a beast into a submissive state takes willpower and courage and a few other gifts I’m rather sketchy on.

Several weeks ago I finally cleared my desk. By clearing I mean that I took everything off the desk and made a ginormous pile behind me to sort through. I’m hoping most of it ends up in the recycle bin. A few too many papers have migrated back to the desk already, in no particular order. And a smaller “to be sorted” pile emerged from the first gigantic “to be sorted” pile.

Your dad says he can see progress. He’s so kind to me. I’m not so sure there’s any improvement.

Also, in the garage, I plan condense a shelf of ten boxes of random papers into one or two file boxes of organized documents, and then fill the recycle bin to the top two or three times. I think I have twenty years worth of Christmas cards among those boxes. Pretty certain I don’t need them all.

Do you ever wonder if a hundred years from now paper documents will appear on Antique Roadshow as something stunningly rare and worth zillions. If future archeologists uncover my garage or my office they’d feel like they found the mother lode of paper.

Here’s the thing, which probably sounds like justification or excuses to you, but it’s the truth. Bunches of those papers have this magical power over me because they’re from one of you. I could probably part just fine with the school papers and class assignments. But the notes you’ve written to me or your dad, the pictures you drew, those snippets of “who you were” need organizing and special care. Does that sound dumb? I’m sure it sounds so stupid.

Simply letting all those papers go into the recycle bin somehow feels as if I’m letting parts of you slip through my fingers. Nonsense, yes, I know that.

If I could approach the task as a museum curator perhaps I could finally succeed in whittling away the amount of papers I have squirreled away.

cu·rate

ˌkyo͝oˈrāt verb

select, organize, and look after the items in (a collection or exhibition)

select the performers or performances that will feature in (an arts event or program).

select, organize, and present (content, information, etc.), typically using professional or expert knowledge

Perhaps, with that sort of thinking I could manage the task of taming the paper monster. Maybe my kid museum could be one binder per child. Sounds reasonable, doesn’t it?

I’d classify my interaction with paper as a love/hate relationship. As I attempt to tame the monstrous paper fiend that hides in the garage (and the smaller but equally tenacious paper boogie man in my office) I hope to find some balance and health in the process.

My paper monster could someday look just like this, ya think? Photo By Ron whisky (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

I could whip that paper monster into shape until it’s a warm, fuzzy, unthreatening thing in my life.

It could happen.

I think I’ll hang the cranes over my desk as a message and a symbolic reminder that I’m a curator and not a hoarder. Wish me luck!

Hugs and Love to you each,

Mom

~~~*~~~

Categories: Friday Letters | Tags: curating, Friday Letters, Friday Letters to my Kids, hoarding, organizing, paper, paper monster, sorting, stash | 1 Comment

Tapping In to the Cosmic Stream: Or How I Hope to Become a Brilliant, Rich, and Beloved Writer

Posted on February 12, 2015 by Kami

Let’s be honest here.

I don’t always go walking first thing in the morning. Occasionally I sleep in.

But usually, I try to do just that. Walk. Not sleep in. It clears my heart, opens it up to possibilities, keeps me on this side of sanity.

But, occasionally my body rolls over at four a.m. and tries to trick me into believing that it’s time to wake up. Ha! I’m not fooled. I can see the clock, (yes, I still have a digital alarm clock bedside) red numbers humming in the darkness. I tell my brain and body to slip back into a cozy sleep, “dreams upbeat and entertaining, please,” and snuggle down into the comforter.

Sometimes it works.

Sometimes my brain kicks into high gear and THINKS! It’s brilliant at that time of day, oddly enough. If I could simply attach a cable between my head and my laptop I’d be a famous writer, winning big prizes. But alas, something happens in that walk down the hall from pillow to chair.

All that brilliance leaks out the bottom of my feet, I think, soaking into the carpet, squishing between my toes. By the time my fingers reach the keyboard every amazing thought, perfect word and funny joke has leeched from my body.

I always think I will remember.

Yes, yes, yes, I do have a notebook sitting on the nightstand, but I don’t use it. I suppose I will repent of that immediately and start scribbling in it the next time Superbrain makes an appearance in my bed at some ridiculously dark hour.

Confession.

I’ve done that before. The notebook thing. And I usually can’t read what it is I wrote. It’s a jumble of swirls and dots and scratches, with a random word I might vaguely recognize.

Solution.

I could type or record a note to myself on the semi-intelligent phone device I have sitting on the nightstand. That might work. Although I find the artificial light scares away most of my wisdom and all of my semi-wakefulness/semi-sleepiness.

Image by By Mark J Sebastian (Abstract (#41272)) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Very cool Image by By Mark J Sebastian (Abstract (#41272)) [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Maybe the truth of it all, since we’re in confession mode, is that I’m not really all that brilliant, awake or sleeping. Maybe I tap in to some cosmic stream of thought that we all somehow connect to while we sleep. I capture little wisps of it in my partial wakefulness and think it’s all me. Probably not me at all.

Call it the muse. Call it inspiration. Call it divine intervention. Call it crazy. I just think I’m part of something much bigger than myself. That thought gives me comfort and makes me feel more connected to the rest of humanity. Or at least to the better parts of humanity.

One of these mornings I’ll manage to capture some wispy cosmic light and brilliance and transfer it to a written bit of something. We’ll all be amazed. I’m sure of it.

Categories: Writing | Tags: brilliance, Inspiration, muse, sleepiness, stream-of-consciousness, wakefulness, writer, Writing | 1 Comment

Winter Wonderland, Desert Style

Posted on February 10, 2015 by Kami

Misty morning.

Hey! It’s Gratituesday! Look at this!! Can you believe it?

Homegrown heaven!

Tomatoes!!! Yes! Fresh hanging on the vine tomatoes in February! Holy pico de gallo!

I’m so excited to see this. I tucked these babies in every night for over a week while we had freezing temperatures in January. I mean I literally tucked sheets around the plants to keep them warm and alive in the cold hours of the night. These are four-foot tall tomato plants too, so bedding them down took more than a few sheets and some perseverance.

Sunshine captured!

Just a few steps to the south hang these beautiful shining orbs of sugary delight.

I squeezed a few for breakfast this morning. Oh my. Nothing else in the world smells like a freeze squeezed orange and nothing can imitate that liquid gold taste. I didn’t even need to add ice since it’d been a brisk night.

And then there’s walking at the Riparian. A hoodie is all that’s needed to keep warm enough while walking at sunrise lately. A nice change from the twenties of a month ago and a vast distance from what I experience during the summer.

Puffy pearls.

These puffy pearls captured a bit of sunlight as it passed by, the dew still clinging and cool. A mist hangs over the ponds until the sun peaks over the horizon chasing it away. Geese clamor and honk as they travel overhead. Such drama queens.

Winter mornings like this one, with homegrown tomatoes, oranges just plucked from the tree and scenic walking conditions count as just a few of many things that make living through a Phoenix blast furnace summer worthwhile.

It’s odd how that all works out. A sort of a balancing of the scale in terms of weather.

Do you suppose the scale balances in other ways as well? I like to think while going through tough times that seem relentless and unbearable, that life eventually balances out the scales. That joy, with a greater heft and depth than sorrow holds, brings things even. I could be wrong. But today, that feels true. I hope it is.

I’m feeling extra blessed by our mild winter gifts. What more could a person ask for?

Always making a ruckus! But hey, it’s a nice day anyway.

Categories: Gratitude, Gratituesday | Tags: Citrus, Gratitude, Gratituesday, mild winter, oranges, Phoenix, tomatoes, tomatoes in February | 5 Comments

Friday Letter to My Kids: I Hope You Laugh

Posted on February 6, 2015 by Kami

Dear J, J, L and L,

You know that poster that hangs in the guest bathroom? The one with all the little bits of wisdom to make for a happier life like “Call your Mom,” and “Sing in the Shower”? Life’s Little Instructions. Yup, that one.

I think I’d add a few of my own.

See I can make a meme, just not very well.

I could do it…

Laugh some every day
Give at least one hug daily
Cry like you mean it, don’t hold back
Write it down so you’ll remember
Naps are okay, encouraged even
Grow something
Get outside and do something
Remember childhood Happies
Make new Happies
Have some quiet time daily
Get rowdy at least twice a month
Dance
Sing
Crank those tunes
Ditch the to-do list sometimes
Put yourself in time-out and enjoy it
Sleep somewhere odd
Be a tourist in the state you live
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Smile more than not
Wink at little kids
Roll down a grassy hill when you can

That’s all stuff I ought to remind myself of, often. Maybe I can get your dad to play along with some of them. Not sure I can picture him rolling down a hill, unless it’s unintentional while skiing. Ouch.

And of course, everyone has their own definition of rowdy. Let’s just all keep it legal. (Wink.)

I hope you laugh! And sing and dance and love life!

Love you tons,

Mom

p.s. I could make this into a cute meme if I wanted to spend the time and understood computers better, but I don’t. So here’s a drawing I made of myself instead. Way faster than creating a meme.

Sending lots of love!

p.p.s. It seems like a long list. Probably because it is. If I thought about it for a few days I could narrow it down some. But, it’s Friday and I wanted to get this letter out to you today. 🙂

Categories: Family, Friday Letters, good ideas | Tags: advice, enjoyment, Friday letter, Friday Letter to my Kids, good ideas, happiness, joy, life's little instructions | Leave a comment

A List to Remind Me That the Sun Shines

Posted on February 4, 2015 by Kami

Aspens. My favorites.

MSH reminds me when I start ranting about something and threaten to write about it on my blog, that I always intended for this project to lean toward the positive and optimistic.

Then I remind him that I’m also “keeping it real” which might not always come across as roses and sunshine.

Keeping It Real

How real do I feel comfortable with here on the blog? How real am I comfy with in person? All last month I’ve debated this with myself. And I didn’t write much during that debate. Lost my groove, I guess.

A path of shadow and sunlight.

I felt braver a couple of years ago. Bolder. Speaking my mind came easier. Opening up about my life happened naturally and with less reserve.

This past year, in many ways, I’ve caved in on myself. I’ve tucked in the frayed edges. I keep the strained or raveled seams covered. I’ve inched toward a more hermit-like life. I used to do that during the month of January every year. I saw it as a naturally occurring regrouping and recovery from the two or three-month holiday season.

My January recovery session during the past year stretched into eleven other months. Maybe longer.

An online friend of mine wrote a (somewhat annoying) glowing top ten account of his past year for the following reason:

“Things can get difficult, and you never know when I might need to remind myself that these things happened, and how and what I felt like when they did.” ~ Brad McBride

Good reason to write up a top ten, you gotta admit. Even if it annoys semi-irritable people like me.

I’ve just survived a year (2014) where I needed to remind myself of happier times to get myself through the day or the week.

I’ve also just been through a year (2014, yes, same year) with some amazingly wondrous good things happening. I mean A-MAZ-ING! Happiness like nothing I’ve ever known.

Talk about a paradox.

I’ve felt lost and found, abandoned and loved, forlorn and supported, ready to give up and anticipating greatness, numb and electrified. At times hope eluded me and then there it shone like a stunning sunrise nearly blinding me.

So what would be my top ten good things for 2014?

My oldest daughter’s new baby girl
The volunteer work I get to do
Hanging out with my favorite teenager while driving her to and from tutoring
Spending time with a certain three-year old
Snuggling from a fun-loving one year old
Almost the entire family together for a weekend in November
A Christmas concert extraordinaire
Summer sunrise walks
My family reunion – time with Mom and Dad
Sitting in a high mountain meadow for hours with MSH

See, my life’s filled with wonder and joy. I just forget sometimes. The difficulties can cast such deep long shadows that block out the sunlight in such a way it almost feels like night. I just need to step out of the shade and let the sun warm me from time to time.

Am I Right? Or am I Write?

This blog has been a source of light for me as well. It’s like a conversation I have with myself to sort through things and make sense of the world. So I add a number eleven to my list.