Posts Tagged With: Home

To Keep or Not to Keep, That is the Real Question

On nearly every women’s magazine cover I’ve ever seen, there is one blurb about decluttering.  That topic seems more compelling than the latest celebrity gossip, weight-loss plan, menu calendar or scheme to get a raise.

From that fact alone, I would surmise that everyone is a packrat, everyone has too much stuff,  or they aren’t very organized about the stuff they have. (If you aren’t even a bit of a packrat, you can stop reading now.) You can read my own confession of “packratness”  in my Seven Steps to Organizing Your Garage or Losing Your Sanity post.

SURELY THERE’S MORE TO IT THAN TOO MUCH STUFF

For me personally, what I’m really looking for when I read an article on organization or dejunking, is control over my life.  I just want to feel I have a little bit of a hand on the steering wheel of my life.  Mostly what I experience on a daily basis is the sensation of being in the passenger seat of a first time student driver.

Model Homes This Way

(Photo credit: sdpitbull)

I’ve known minimalists whose homes were pristine, perfect specimens of the uncluttered life.  Were they happier?  Did they seem more in control of their lives?  Honestly, I have no idea.  It seemed kind of barren, like stepping into the pages of a magazine model home photo shoot.  Dry, flat, empty. That’s not the look or feel I’m aiming for either.

ALL OR NOTHING

We once moved into a home a week ahead of our possessions.  We had a couple of foam mats, some sheets and pillows, bath towels, camp chairs, our suitcases.  We ate take-out or deli food on paper plates, drank from paper cups.  The house echoed a bit. But we both agreed it was oddly pleasant not to have so much stuff around us.  Even the garage was empty but for the solitary car we parked inside of it.  (Now there’s an idea, huh?)

I almost felt like I was on vacation; camping without the bugs, dirt and latrine. A couple of friends dropped by to see the new place.  When we said we liked it empty you’d have thought we said, we’re thinking of installing a torture chamber in the spare bedroom. People really like their stuff.

Moving boxes

Moving boxes (Photo credit: Andrea_R)

We weren’t all that thrilled when the boxes and furniture arrived and filled every room to overflowing. (Did I mention we had downsized?) Suddenly there was life demanding attention, a to-do list miles long and months out.  And with it all, an ongoing list of maintenance, dusting, cleaning, polishing, filing, cooking, washing, and sorting.

LET’S GO SOMEWHERE

Maybe that’s why I like traveling.  My stuff is all that fits in one carry-on suitcase, a backpack and a personal item.  Travel is life simplified, life in control. I’ve got my own hands firmly on that steering wheel.

MSH once suggested living in a motor home. (That’s traveling, I suppose.) You know, those bus sized houses on wheels that snowbirds drive into Arizona on their yearly migration from Minnesota and Canada? I couldn’t picture us that way. For one thing, we aren’t nearly old enough. Besides, where would I put all my books? The thought of downsizing THAT much made me breathless with anxiety. That is certainly not what I meant when I said I wanted to have my hand on the steering wheel of life.

Steering Wheel

(Photo credit: Marie Carter)

Still, there was that one week we had of minimal stuff.  It was relaxing. But, it was also temporary.

I wonder if I could find a happy medium between almost no stuff and way too much stuff.

Guess I’d better look up some articles on decluttering.

Categories: Humor, Wondering | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Electric Love

It’s Gratituesday! Today I am grateful for one of the most brilliant gifts I ever received.  You can’t imagine how surprised I was several years ago to unwrap a twin-sized electric blanket as one of my Christmas gifts from MSH.  We have a king-sized bed. A twin-size anything made no sense.  But then it did.

Master Suite - King Size Bed with Jungle View

The vast expanse of a King Size Bed! (Photo credit: Grand Velas Riviera Maya)

The blue fluffy wire-lined blanket fit perfectly on my half of the bed. I discovered that very night the wisdom of such a gift.

MSH slumbers in a well chilled, open windowed bedroom, fresh air pouring over his overheated, restless body. For good measure he runs the ceiling fan as well.  In such an environment I can only toss and turn and freeze, no matter how many blankets get heaped on top of me.  But now, ah yes, now with my gift of electric heated bliss, I can choose to have the warmth of a cat snuggling up to me, or I can bask in the heat of a Sahara summer, or any climate in between.

This isn’t a winter only gift.  Oh, no not at all. It is after all Phoenix, complete with heat islands and asphalt. Summers here are a sweltering desert. To survive we have air conditioning everywhere.

(Except for my car, usually the AC goes out on the first day of July.  Not sure why.  The infamous Tilby family car curse? But, I digress, that is another post.)

Unlike most households, we don’t just bring the temperature down to cool. MSH chills the house to the point that we all wear sweaters inside, except him. It’s comfortable for MSH and that is important.  We love him and want him comfy, too. At night, the thermostat gets set even lower.  As a result, my electric blanket often gets used in the summertime as well. Ah, sweet slumber.

I do think the electric blanket saved our marriage. Or at least it keeps me from finding another room to sleep in. Which would have made MSH feel sad and lonely, which would make me sad.  His inspired gift to me makes me love him even more, and reminds me nightly of his consistent thoughtfulness in so many other ways.

All hail the lowly blue blanket, plugged in and enhancing relationships a few precious degrees at a time.

Categories: Gratitude, Gratituesday, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

The Power of Family

The power of Family swirls around me. You can’t argue with the simple evocative strength of the word Mother, Father, Son, Daughter, Brother, Sister, Cousin, Aunt, Uncle, Grandmother, Grandfather, Grandchild, Husband, Wife, Niece, Nephew.

As strong as the ties of friendship might encircle and bind, they cannot entirely compete with the strength and veracity of Family. Maybe they aren’t supposed to compete.  Maybe they are supposed to complement.

If you doubt what I say, then attend a funeral of someone whose life touched thousands.  There are a select few who warrant inclusion in that sacred circle of Family ties, but only a few.  The rest are inherently barely outside the circle, pressing in with love, support, tears, memories.

There are many family like relationships out there.  I am called Auntie or Sister by those I have shared incredible life-changing experiences with. But does that make me Family?  It feels like family, it tastes like family, the hugs mimic family hugs; perhaps sometimes even exceed them in emotion.  But it isn’t Family.

Big “F” little “f”

Maybe the distinction is merely semantic or the difference between Family with a capital “F” and family with a small “f.”

Or is it all about legality and blood lines?  I have no idea.

I do know that I want my Family to know I love them.  I want my Family to know that those connections include a willingness to sacrifice for them.  They come first.  They are the why behind everything. I draw strength from the collective power of the love they have for me.  I count on their unconditional acceptance.  I am who I am in large measure because of their influence in my life, present or distant.  They are foundational and firm and forever.

Schorn Log Cabin, ca. 1700, with the cemetery ...

Schorn Log Cabin, ca. 1700, with the cemetery in between the cabin and church (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What about that second circle that surrounds me, my family of friends?  They are included in my willingness to sacrifice.  In fact, it’s that sacrificial nature of those relationships that has made them feel unbreakable.  Their losses are my losses.  My losses, and I’m sure of this, are their losses.  They are family in ways my blood kin are not, in different ways, like chinking between logs in a cabin, or shingles on a sturdy roof.

Both kinds of family feel necessary.  Both house and clothe me in safety, love, reassurance, gentleness and kindness.

To be the recipient of both Family and family is a rare and opulent gift of surpassing beauty.  I hope never to squander such richness.  I hope I can share it, one on one. One heart, one tear, one smile, one hug at a time.

My New Year’s Wish would be that such circles include more people that feel outside of one or both. Does that sound unrealistic?  I don’t think so.  If one person this next year feels more loved, safer, cared for, part of something bigger, because I reached out and pulled them into my Family or family circle then their world and mine improves, lightens and grows.  Would you join in with me in reaching out, including, caring, loving?  Just one person. That’s all it takes.

Categories: Family, Love, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Merry Conversation and Happy New Connections

There’s a Peanuts cartoon that shows Charlie Brown writing a letter that reads:

“Dear Santa Claus, Well, it’s that time of year again, isn’t it? There are so many things I would like to say to you, but I find it hard to put them in writing. It would be so much easier if I could talk to you in person.  Do you think maybe we could have lunch together sometime?”

English: Santa Claus with a little girl Espera...

Some things are just better in person. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Seems to me there are some things better said face to face, in a conversation.  Letters are a bit one-sided, as are emails.  Texts can be sort of like a conversation, but threads can get tangled, inflections are missing and smiley faces don’t really convey intent that well. Texting is a kind of shorthand we lean on that enhances the efficiency of communication without really advancing the quality of it.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a total fan of texting. It’s saved me hours on the phone, gotten me unlost, given me a forum for all sorts of things I want to say to people.  I think some relationships are better because of texting.

But, I know there’s nothing like a real conversation.  The rambling, wandering discussions that leap from topic to topic in a convoluted but totally natural flow of give and take. That’s why I look forward to a daughter’s visit over the holidays, and why my sister coming into town will be fun. We’ll be able to talk and ask questions and see the response in a facial expression or in a gesture, before the brain sends words to the mouth.  So much gets said by what we see.

I feel almost giddy with excitement at the prospect of all the pending conversations with family and friends.

Having a meal together isn’t about the food, not entirely. It’s about the talking that happens over and around the food.  It gives us a reason to be face to face, to read the eyes, the mouth twitch, the sighs. There’s a solid human interaction that I absolutely cherish.

Phone conversations are good too, but still, there’s that up close and personal thing that happens when you’re in the room together. A hand reaches out, a hug can happen, a fist bump connects, a strong handshake can pull someone in close.

And then there’s whispering.  There’s simply no other communication like a whisper.  Think about it. Private, quiet, stealthy, intimate, personal, direct, breathy, warm, ticklish.

I wish I had time to do lunch with every single relative, every individual friend, every happy acquaintance, every person that has meaning in my life. I’d love for all that one on one time to happen.  It’d be some ride ,wouldn’t it?

Alas, I am but one person, with a limited budget, and limited time.  And so I write, saying the things I think, talking about the things I’d share in a conversation. Hopefully I’m connecting a little with someone. It’s a good feeling.

In another letter to Santa, the words of Peppermint Patty say it well:

“Dear Santa, Just a last note before you take off. I hope you have a nice trip. Don’t forget to fasten your seat belt.”

I hope you get to have some great conversations over the next few days. I hope you go for a walk and chat a bit. Or sit on the couch, or the porch swing, or around a puzzle at the table and share some words between each other. I hope you eat something delicious and talk of real things together. I hope you make some great connections. I plan to do just that. It’s the best part of the holidays I can think of.

Categories: Family, Food, Joy, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Year of Three Christmas Letters

We wrote three Family Christmas letters one year.

Version One:

christmas card outtakes 2007- choke hold

christmas card outtakes 2007- choke hold (Photo credit: Nikki McLeod)

The reality check, went something like this:

Pretty much our life hit rock bottom this year.  It’s been filled to brim with financial setbacks galore, unemployment, minimum wage jobs for the grown ups, multiple visits with various government workers, lots of paperwork, mechanical failures of every kind, mental health issues, surgeries, poor health, teenage angst and rebellion out the wazoo, junior high drama.  You name it, we’ve experienced it.  It’s a wonder we’re all still sane.  Hope your family is having a better year than we are.  Merry Christmas!

Version Two:

The rated G for too-good-to-be-true version, went something like this:

Just wanted to update you on our family’s stellar year!  Dad has had plenty of time to work on projects around the house, mom is busy expanding her résumé! We’ve added doctors and lawyers to our list of close acquaintances!  Each of the children have increased their knowledge base with new experiences and fun and exciting people!  Time just seems to race by with all that we have going on!  What a year!!!!!!!!!!!  Here’s hoping you’re family is as wonderful and great as ours!  Happy Holidays!!!!!!

Version Three:

A kind of tightrope act between the first two letters, went like this:

Thought we’d let you know what’s happening in our neck of the woods.  It hasn’t been a very good year for us, but we’re making the best of it. Mom has gone back out into the workforce and so us kids have had to step up a bit and help out more.  Dad’s been looking for work for a while. It hasn’t been easy, but we’re learning a lot. We could use some extra prayers if you’re the praying sort.  We surely do pray for and love you and your family.  We feel blessed to know you.  Here’s to a Happy New Year for all of us!

christmas card

christmas card (Photo credit: Stephen Rees)

I can’t remember if we actually mailed any letters out at all. I don’t think we did. Couldn’t afford the stamps, or ran out of time. It was pretty hilarious writing them all, kind of healing to laugh at the pain.

Maybe it was our way of dealing with all the letters we received that made our toes curl with jealousy or irritated us with their rose-colored glasses perspective. Or maybe it was a reaction to the view that everyone else has a perfect life, a perfect family, a perfectly normal kind of constant happiness. We knew that wasn’t true, but it can feel that way when your life has gone south.

Sometimes laughter really is the only way to treat life’s headaches.

p.s. The preceding events may have been altered or fictionalized or embellished for brevity as well as sanity.

p.p.s. If you send out Family Christmas letters, please keep doing so, we love hearing about your family, warts and awards and all!

p.p.p.s.  Merry Christmas!

Categories: Family, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Simply Celebrating Life

It’s Gratituesday!  Today I am thankful for my childhood holidays.  Those special days scattered throughout the year were  anticipated with a tingly, buzz in the air.  Each holiday carried a specific scent and texture that brought joy in its own unique way.  There was an innocence and wonder about each celebration.

childhood memories

childhood memories (Photo credit: brainblogger)

That purity of that experience is two-fold.  Childhood is supposed to be about immediacy, the here and now.  There’s no worrying about a hundred things to do before an event happens.  The countdown to Christmas was all about anticipation and expectation. That’s what I had, the joy of the moment.  What a phenomenal blessing!

Simplicity is the other half of my childhood holiday memories.  Perhaps it was a simpler time.  Maybe I grew up sheltered. Hallelujah!  Every child should be so lucky to live, for a time, in a protective bubble of wonder, curiosity, love and newness.  I had that.

I was blessed beyond measure with Valentine love, Easter hope, Independence Day freedom, Halloween sweets, Thanksgiving gratitude, Christmas joy.

Every child should be so lucky!

Categories: Gratitude, Gratituesday | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Treasure in the Mountains: A Short Story

One early summer day our family drove to the mountains with a shovel and a bucket in the back of our red-winged Chevy station wagon.  We were winding through a canyon called Strawberry on a narrow road, when we pulled onto the dirt shoulder.

Dad got out, grabbing the shovel and bucket.  My older brother and I tagged along behind him up the embankment.  Mom stayed behind in the car with the three younger kids.  As usual, I was full of questions and as usual I’m sure dad wished I’d just quiet down and follow along.  My brother had found a stick and was whacking things with it, rocks, other sticks, bugs, pine trees.  Dad wandered in and out among the trees and bushes as if he were looking for something.

I thought maybe he had buried a treasure here when he “was a young pup,” as he liked to say about his own childhood.   Now, I figured, he was back to claim his prize.

There were scrappy little pine trees no taller than me, scattered among the taller evergreens, but mostly there were tall clusters of white barked trees of various heights and widths.  It was quiet on this little hillside which, living in a household of five kids, was a rare commodity.  I found an old tree stump and sat down.  I could see dad wandering with his shovel not far off.  He had handed the bucket to my brother who was following at a distance, stick dragging behind him.

The air smelled like air does in the mountains, saturated with oxygen and the sweet musk of decay and new growth.  In the silence I heard a quiet sound of water flowing, as if a stream had just opened up on the hillside above me.  I turned to see where it was.  How could I have missed a stream to splash in and explore.  There was no water that I could see; yet the sound of water rushing increased.

Looking around, I saw Dad and my brother up the hill a ways.  As I hiked over to where they were I noticed Dad bent over clearing leaves and rocks from an area on the ground.  Instead of uncovering a large X marking a treasure or digging a big deep hole to unearth his cache, he carefully carved a circle out of the dirt.  It was a circle about the same size as our five-gallon bucket.  As I drew closer Dad wedged the shovel in slowly and lifted out a large chunk of dirt and rock and sticks and eased the whole mess into the bucket.  He gently tossed a couple of loose shovelfuls of dirt in on top of that.

“Well?” he said, his voice triumphant.  “Whaddaya think?”

I looked at him quizzically. “What’s it for?”

My brother answered for him with that tone big brothers get. “It’s a tree, a sap-ling,” he said, emphasizing each syllable as if I had never heard the word sapling before.

It was then I finally noticed in the bucket of dirt, a thin, creamy white stick, no bigger round than my thumb.  At the top of its not quite three-foot stature, a few roundish leaves held on in little clusters.  I reached out to touch one of the leaves, but stopped when my dad spoke.

“It’s a Quakie.”

“A quakie?  What’s a quakie?  Why do we have a quakie?  What are we gonna do with the quakie?  Why is it called a quakie?”

My dad waited for me to stop my stream of questions.  He lifted his shovel and kind of pointed with it at the stand of trees beside us.  “These are quakies – Quaking Aspen trees.”

My eyes followed the tall white, mottled trunks skyward to their canopy of round leaves.  Just then, a breeze blew in and that water flowing sound began again, and dad said, “See them winking at you?”  The leaves were moving in the breeze and changing color from bright green to nearly white.

It was then that I realized that rushing water sound wasn’t water at all.  It was the Quaking Aspen leaves brushing against each other in the wind, saying hello to me.

I felt a bit dizzy and reached out to a tree trunk to steady myself.  The smooth semi-glossy trunk felt warm and dry and comforting.  My hand said hello back to the winking trees and we were instant soul mates.  I ran my hand around the white trunk, feeling the tiny knobs and pits and bumps, the wrinkles and warps.  I kept looking up at the river of leaves above and the reaching white branches, the bit of blue sky peeking through.  I was somehow back home in a home I’d never known.  I was among friends I once knew, happy through to my toes.

“So, Dad?” I asked from my reverie.  “Is that a baby tree in the bucket?”

“Yup, it’s going home with us.  We’re planting it in the front yard.  Let’s get going!”

I leaned into the tree I was holding  and said a silent goodbye with a promise to care for the baby tree we were adopting.  I also vowed to come back and visit again soon. Dad’s whistle called me out of my haze and caught my attention.  He and my brother and the bucket with the quakie sapling were almost to the car already.  I loped down the hill past cluster after cluster of newfound friends.

I rode in the back of the car with the tree, watching as its round leaves jiggled and twisted with the cars movement. One side of each leaf was green as anything you’ve ever seen.  The other side was nearly white. I understood the “quaking” part of the name now.  Just a breath from my nose would flutter a leaf so easily.  The trunk was a miniature of the one I had held on to in the woods, smooth and creamy, with tiny bumps and speckles.  I think I memorized every part of that tree by time we pulled into the driveway.

I watched carefully as Dad bedded the baby tree into its new home in our front yard in the foothills.

When I discovered the Quaking Aspen’s radiant gold coins of fall, I knew I was right about Dad’s treasure up there in the hills.  It wasn’t a buried treasure, but one that shone out every autumn. Before any other tree changed colors, the Quaking Aspen leaves turn a brilliant yellow that whispers to me and calls me home to the mountains.

Categories: Outdoors | Tags: , , , , | 8 Comments

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