Posts Tagged With: relationships

I’ll Take Silly Quizzes for Eight Hundred, Alex

Posted on February 20, 2013 by Kami

Please answer the following QUIZ truthfully.

English: Peanut butter cookie with a chocolate...

Peanut butter cookie with a chocolate chip smiley face (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When someone cuts me off in traffic I usually:

A.) Yell obscenities at them and then blaspheme their children

B.) Follow them too closely and try to cut them off as well

C.) Figure I deserve it because I’m such a bad driver

D.) Hope they make it to a bathroom stall before it’s too late

If an associate or friend says something rude to me I will most always:

A.) Come back with a quick, witty, mean-spirited retort

B.) Mutter under my breath, but keep smiling, while planning revenge

C.) Try to think of ways I can change so they will like me better

D.) Wonder if they’re seeing a therapist for anger management

A friend fails to answer my text or phone message or email after repeated attempts, I will:

A.) Delete them from my contact list and refuse to respond if they try to contact me

B.) Remember all the times they’ve ignored or slighted me in the past, then simmer and fume

C.) Figure I’ve done something to offend them and think of ways to make it up to them

D.) Wonder how soon they’ll have their technology up and running again

A blogger posts a silly quiz on the internet  with results I don’t agree with, I proceed to:

A.) Post a comment that lets them know what genus and species I think they belong in

B.) Create my own silly quiz that makes fun of their silly quiz

C.) Take the results to heart and begin a regime of self-improvement

D.) Keep following their blog, assuming they were having a writer’s block sort of day

Now add up how many questions you answered A, B, C, or D

If you answered mostly A.)

I hope we never meet in a dark alley, or a lighted one for that matter. Why do you want to jump to the worst conclusion about people? I know traffic isn’t a fun place to find yourself day in and day out. I’ve spent more time than I’m willing to admit stuck behind silliness, squeezed into two lanes from four, and mystified by the rudeness and poor vision of others. I’ve also worked with my share of dweebs and space cadets. It could be very, very helpful to you if  you decide that others’ lack of skill and finesse isn’t going to determine how your day goes. In other words, RELAX a little bit. Loosen your grip on that steering wheel, pop in some chill tunes, think happy thoughts and go with the flow.  You’ll get where you’re going eventually. And if you don’t, you’ll at least not be quite so irritable or isolated.

If you answered mostly B.)

You might want to consider adding some sugar to  your diet and an extra hour to your sleep. Seriously?!? Do you even like your life? If it’s all about revenge and retorts and one-upping the other guy how fun can things be? I hate to burst your bubble, but there is no one keeping score anywhere! Surprised? No matter how many people you put down, criticize, back stab or plot against, your life isn’t going to be better because of it.  In fact, it’s possible you’ll have a really lonely and horrific life, one in which people avoid you and don’t invite you along for the ride. You need to watch more 40’s and 50’s musicals and some Jerry Lewis movies. Laugh a little more. Curse a little less. Try on a smile.

If you answered mostly C.)

Lighten up on yourself and read more limericks, jokes and humorous blogs. You take life way too seriously.  Really. I know it is a serious business and there are important things to deal with. Other people’s opinions about you ARE NOT one of those important things. Even if you are a politician, which I hope you aren’t, other people’s opinions of your aren’t real, or important. Be nicer to yourself. You’re a great person with all kinds of wonderful going on. You ought to admit it. Look in the mirror every day and say in your most sultry voice, “Hi there, beautiful!” If nothing else it’ll make you smile or laugh.  And heaven knows we could all use more laughter in our lives.

If you answered mostly D.)

Fill out the application for sainthood and prepare to be translated into a higher form of life. Really, you need to be writing this blog for me. It’s a wondrous thing to assume the best, rather than the opposite. Optimism and cheerfulness are in short supply. It’s nice that you’re setting the example for the rest of us curmudgeons. Hopefully some of your good will can rub off, or radiate or jump start some of us into a better place. Thanks for sharing your bits of sunshine.

If your answers were even between A, B, C, D you might want to schedule an appointment really soon with a massage therapist, a travel agent, your banker or your broker and a lawyer. I’m not sure what it means and am not in the least qualified to give you any advice at all.

However, I could give you my standard answer for most problems that arise. It’s worked on more occasions than I can count.

Eat something healthy and delicious.

Drink an extra glass or two of water.

Take a nice long nap, and then go to bed early tonight.

Eat some good chocolate (very crucial).

Last of all you need to know that everything is going to be all right.

Categories: Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Can’t Buy Me Love, and Yet, All You Need Is Love? Lucky Me

Posted on February 12, 2013 by Kami

It’s Gratituesday! Today I am thankful for love. I know it sounds sappy, but give me a chance to explain.

I’m grateful for unconditional love from my parents, MSH, my kids, and my extended family. I know that no matter how big I goof up, how whiney I get, how unreliable and messy my life is, they are still going to provide me with with love, acceptance and understanding. Even if they don’t understand, they’ll jump that bridge and love me anyway. I’ve been rescued, resuscitated, healed, helped, snuggled, succored, cared for and cuddled by these people in ways only family can offer. What more could I ask for?

And yet there is more love in my life!

LOVE Sculpture, JFK Plaza

LOVE Sculpture by Robert Indiana, JFK Plaza (Photo credit: euthman)

Shared experiences with a few people have created a love that’s definitely not romance, stronger than friendship and distinct from familial love. I’m not sure there is a word for it. A spiritual connection? It’s an understanding or an emotion that requires no words and no actions. It just is. Does that make sense? Like any rare substance, these precious few relationships are priceless and guarded carefully. Surely there’s a word for this kind of love, but I’ve yet to hear or read it. I may have to invent it.

And More!!

I’m grateful for the quirky love of friendship. Each relationship I have is different, some are easy, some are not, but all involve love and persistence and concern. I have friends I can count on for a hug. Some friends I know will keep me humble with humor and sarcasm. And others see the good in me that no mirror I own ever allows me to see in myself. I can even lay open my heart to some with complete trust and no judgment. Those who trust me in the same way amaze me and instill a desire to try harder, be better and be worthy of that trust.

Wow!

I’m thankful that so many people have given me the opportunity to get to know and love them. Thinking about all the love in my life is like stumbling on a treasure trove, chests overflowing with diamonds and gems and silver and gold. I can’t imagine feeling any richer than I do now. Love surely makes my world keep spinning, floats my boat, keeps me grounded, fills my days, lights up my dark times, and creates joy.

Yes, I’m definitely grateful for love.

 

Categories: Gratitude, Gratituesday, Love | Tags: , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

The Power of Family

Posted on December 31, 2012 by Kami

The power of Family swirls around me. You can’t argue with the simple evocative strength of the word Mother, Father, Son, Daughter, Brother, Sister, Cousin, Aunt, Uncle, Grandmother, Grandfather, Grandchild, Husband, Wife, Niece, Nephew.

As strong as the ties of friendship might encircle and bind, they cannot entirely compete with the strength and veracity of Family. Maybe they aren’t supposed to compete.  Maybe they are supposed to complement.

If you doubt what I say, then attend a funeral of someone whose life touched thousands.  There are a select few who warrant inclusion in that sacred circle of Family ties, but only a few.  The rest are inherently barely outside the circle, pressing in with love, support, tears, memories.

There are many family like relationships out there.  I am called Auntie or Sister by those I have shared incredible life-changing experiences with. But does that make me Family?  It feels like family, it tastes like family, the hugs mimic family hugs; perhaps sometimes even exceed them in emotion.  But it isn’t Family.

Big “F” little “f”

Maybe the distinction is merely semantic or the difference between Family with a capital “F” and family with a small “f.”

Or is it all about legality and blood lines?  I have no idea.

I do know that I want my Family to know I love them.  I want my Family to know that those connections include a willingness to sacrifice for them.  They come first.  They are the why behind everything. I draw strength from the collective power of the love they have for me.  I count on their unconditional acceptance.  I am who I am in large measure because of their influence in my life, present or distant.  They are foundational and firm and forever.

Schorn Log Cabin, ca. 1700, with the cemetery ...

Schorn Log Cabin, ca. 1700, with the cemetery in between the cabin and church (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What about that second circle that surrounds me, my family of friends?  They are included in my willingness to sacrifice.  In fact, it’s that sacrificial nature of those relationships that has made them feel unbreakable.  Their losses are my losses.  My losses, and I’m sure of this, are their losses.  They are family in ways my blood kin are not, in different ways, like chinking between logs in a cabin, or shingles on a sturdy roof.

Both kinds of family feel necessary.  Both house and clothe me in safety, love, reassurance, gentleness and kindness.

To be the recipient of both Family and family is a rare and opulent gift of surpassing beauty.  I hope never to squander such richness.  I hope I can share it, one on one. One heart, one tear, one smile, one hug at a time.

My New Year’s Wish would be that such circles include more people that feel outside of one or both. Does that sound unrealistic?  I don’t think so.  If one person this next year feels more loved, safer, cared for, part of something bigger, because I reached out and pulled them into my Family or family circle then their world and mine improves, lightens and grows.  Would you join in with me in reaching out, including, caring, loving?  Just one person. That’s all it takes.

Categories: Family, Love, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

A Gift Returned Too Early

Posted on December 26, 2012 by Kami

Some people really are a gift to everyone in their life.  I had a friend who was that way.

He unexpectedly died on Christmas morning.

He’s one of those people who bring joy into a room with them.  The barometric pressure changes when he walks in, bringing sunshine and a sweet ocean breeze in his wake.

His smile sends so many messages at once.  It’s one of those genuine smiles that include the eyes, not one that can be faked.  It’s a smile that says, “I’m really, really glad to see you!” or “You’re awesome!” or “I’ve been up to something mischievous,” or “We’re in this thing together and we’re gonna kick it.”  It’s a smile that creates instant friends, that engenders trust and that opens tightly closed doors.

Calling him a Christian would be understating the matter.  He gives 100% to whatever or whomever he takes under his wing. He works hard, plays hard, prays hard, loves fuller, gives deeper, and shares wildly.  Generosity ought to be his middle name.

He doesn’t tolerate a mere handshake, but pulls a person in close for a hug, as if they’ve not seen each other for years. And that brief hug conveys vast amounts of love.  The ability to communicate caring so potently, to bring joy to others, to give unconditionally, are talents worthy of emulation.

The gift of a man like Sean is a precious, priceless commodity.  The world is poorer with his passing. There is now a gap to be filled that’s unfillable.

He is loved.  He is missed.

Categories: Death, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , | 6 Comments

I Have Never

Posted on December 14, 2012 by Kami
Grand Canyon, Arizona. The canyon, created by ...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have never been to Disneyland, or Disneyworld.  I have been inside the Disney store at the mall.

I have never visited the Grand Canyon in the fifteen years we’ve lived in Arizona.  I saw it when I was thirteen and not yet afraid of heights.  I wrote poetry about it, even.

I have never jumped out of an airplane and never intend to.

I have never ridden in a hot air balloon.  Not so sure I want to do that. Although it looks peaceful, the height thing might get to me.

I have never traveled outside of the United States.  Unless you count British Columbia on a day trip.  I guess you could, it’s Canada, after all, right?  You’d think I’d have made it to Mexico by now, but haven’t had much reason, money or desire to do that.

I have never been overseas either.  That’d be cool.  I’ll have to start a bucket list, maybe.

I have never met anyone really famous.  That’s okay by me. They’re just like every other person except a bunch of people know who they are, right? Yeah, sour grapes here.

I have never been to a big rock concert.  This holds some interest in the back of my mind, but not enough to really do anything about it.

I have never successfully ridden a skateboard.  Tried once, landed on my backside.  Snowboarding, I suspect would end up the same way but with more dire consequences.

I have never spent more than three seconds upright behind a boat trying to water ski.

I have never had a conversation in a foreign language.  I’d like to change that.

I have never gone cliff diving, or cliff jumping.  There’s that afraid of heights thing again.

On the other hand…

I have spent a night in the wilderness alone.

I have gone rock climbing at five months pregnant.

I have experienced the joy of skiing many times.

I have watched a grandchild being born.

I have known the love of a kind husband.

I have reveled in the beauty that is Alaska.

I have been part of friendships that lifted me and helped make me whole.

I have enjoyed the blessing of extended family reaching out in many directions.

I have had the once in a lifetime amazement of being on a cruise ship on the ocean.

I have kayaked in the ocean.

I have been involved in something bigger than myself.

I have firsthand seen the wonders of Yellowstone Park multiple times.

I have lived in many different places in the United States and found all sorts of wonderful.

I have driven a snowmobile, and a motorcycle.

I have ridden my bicycle long distances, even conquered a pretty big hill a few times.

I have given birth and held those miracles in my arms and watched them become adults.

I have felt the exhilaration of a second wind that comes when running past exhaustion.

I have felt satisfaction, holiness, peace, joy, serenity, contentment.

I have been changed by some experiences that are unspeakable, unshareable.

I have tried to be true to myself, honest with others, kind, helpful, real.

I think the “haves“ outweigh the “have nevers”.

Categories: Gratitude, Joy | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Do I Have to Spell It Out For You? Body Language, Sign Language and Mind Reading

Posted on October 22, 2012 by Kami

I know an adorable seventeen-month old girl who uses sign language as part of her repertoire of communication skills.  What a marvelous thing to watch her sign “more please” or “all done” or “milk” instead of wailing, crying, throwing a tantrum or simply being frustrated beyond all reason.   After being in the car for way too long one day she kept signing “all done” to her mom in the rear view mirror.  She was definitely all done being in that car seat and ready for a change of scenery.  Such an adaptive kid!

I’ve thought about her and wondered if I need to add some kind of sign language to my life.  Not American Sign Language necessarily.  What I’m thinking I need to have is something akin to the universal sign for I’m choking, (hands at the throat, turning blue, panic on your face) or you’re an idiot driver, (we all know what that looks like, eesh!) or hello (waving a hand.)

I’m thinking something a little more helpful. What I need is a sign for “you’re right, I was being selfish, I’m sorry.”  Then, I need another sign that admits no guilt but apologizes profusely, “Can you ever forgive me, I’m so very sorry.”

I love You

I love You in ASL (Photo credit: purprin)

I also need a sign that clearly communicates, “tonight would be a good night for you to get take out for dinner.”

There is a big need for a sign that says “please don’t talk to me right now or I’ll come unglued.” There’s a more urgent need for a sign that clearly means “please notice me and pay attention and give me a hug before I implode.”

Too complicated? Yeah, probably. Okay, how about a sign for “lonely,” “need a friend,” “in over my head,” “check back in a bit,” or “I like you.” A little too direct maybe.  Hmmm.  Maybe we need direct and concise and less nuance.

Sure, I know there’s that whole body language thing, but it’s so subtle that it’s not always clear.  The “chin wave/head nod” is a great example of this.  It’s a guy thing, or a teenager thing, or both.  There’s a sort of eye contact, but not quite, and then instead of waving hello the other person kind of lifts their chin at you.  Like a fist bump, but not.  When you get a “chin wave”  you feel cool and accepted, but not quite acknowledged.  Couldn’t they have just waved?  Do they not want anyone to know they know you?  See, mixed message.

My favorite universal sign is the smile.  The genuine smile.  Try smiling at the kid in the grocery cart.  Then wait for it.  They get this surprised look that turns into a grin.  Then wink.  Okay, maybe not wink, the parent might get weirded out.  But smile at them like you’re really seeing them.  Smiling at children always surprises them and their response is fun to watch.  You just might make their day! And yours!

While you’re at it wave at the sign holder on the corner, too.  I have a friend whose walking route took her past one of these human sign holders.  She took some time every day to chat a bit, found out this woman’s story.  What a story!!  Now instead of looking away, or pretending distraction, I wave back at her because she is a real person, doing a tough job, (especially tough in the AZ heat) and I want to acknowledge her.  I’ll bet those people hardly ever get a friendly wave.  Wouldn’t you want one if you were them?

But I digress.

Wish I could do the Spock Mind Meld on some people. Boy, would that come in handy!!  Alas, mind reading is another topic for another day.

I’m just trying to up my communication skills here.  Thinking out loud.  Any suggestions you can shoot my way would be very welcome.

Here’s one last idea.  We could try using words.

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Categories: Humor, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , | 3 Comments

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