Questionable Recipes

I realized I’ve never posted a recipe here on my infamous blog.

Why? Perhaps because this isn’t a foodie blog?

I have posted photos of food several times which I’m not so sure counts. You see, my goal is to write, not just post photos. So why is my head bouncing around the idea of a recipe for today’s post? Of course, I’m going to explore this in my head a bit and then get back to you. While I’m gone you can contemplate the following photo which involved a two-year old and a DVD player.

Items found inside a non-working DVD player. Any idea why it wasn’t working?

After a modicum of thought I have concluded this isn’t an actual RECIPE post, with something you can go buy the ingredients for and replicate in your own kitchen. No. Apparently not.

Rather, the muse has whispered three words, recipes for disaster.

Put two or three seemingly harmless ingredients together and stand back to see what happens.

Rain Dance

Carefully wash one car under a blue sky.

Leave outside for a few hours. Rain will follow shortly.

This one is almost always a guaranteed winner, particularly in a drought situation. Be sure not to let your real intention be to produce rain or the recipe will not work. Your sincere and only aim must be to have a clean and shiny car.

Stick-to-it-iveness

To one blender with a missing lid add one or two hungry and independent children.

Add milk, fruit and ice-cream. 

Not one of my favorites as it involves not just the floor but every surface in the kitchen, horizontal, vertical, curved, moving, alive or stationary. Burns large amounts of time easily. You’re sure to find stickiness for weeks afterwards.

Misery

Say goodbye to someone you won’t see for a long time, and within ten minutes of that get really crappy news from someone else. Add in a virus. Throw in the definite possibility that you’ve let a few people down and mix generously with insufficient sleep.

Serve with a generous side of self-pity and a headache. *Does not mix well with alcohol or driving or other human beings.

With recipes like this some serious medical attention may serve as desert.

There you have it. A good cook gone bad.

Maybe next time I’ll post my favorite bread recipe. Not original, but very edible.