A Joke A Day Keeps the Doctor at Bay

“Laughter is internal jogging.”

Feels like it might be time for some laughter. Are you feeling it too?

It’s nice, occasionally, to group a few of the funnier things I’ve read or seen, into one post. I run into crack me up stuff all the time. Friends and family also send me jokes and puns. And, occasionally, I go looking for something to brighten the day.

I take no credit for any one of these. If I knew who to thank I’d surely give them kudos and recognition.

So, here goes:

What do you call a camel without a hump?

Humphrey!

Funny if you understand or attempt to understand math.

A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. After his first sip, he hears a high-pitched voice.
“Hey mister! Nice pants!” it says.
He looks around, doesn’t see anything, and quickly shrugs it off. After a little bit, he takes another sip and hears the voice again.
“Hey mister! Sweet shoes!”
Again, he looks around, sees nothing but a bartender who is busy attending to other customers. Shaking his head, he sips once more.
“Hey mister! Cool shirt!”
He puts down his drink, frustrated at this phantom voice, and signals to the bartender, who comes over.
“Hey barkeep,” he begins, “what is that high-pitched voice I keep hearing?”
“Oh, those are the peanuts,” he replies. “They’re complimentary.”

If you’re Russian when you go into the bathroom, and you’re Finnish when you come out of the bathroom, what are you while you’re in the bathroom?

European.

 

I wish I knew who to give credit to for this gem! If you know, please shoot me a comment!

 

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.
She asked, “Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?”
Her grandson replied, “You know grandma, it’s like on TV, ‘The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.”

 

A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. 
The police are looking into it.

 

A new word and its definition:

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.