Posts Tagged With: denial

Denial, Arizona, USA – Not Exactly A Travel Brochure

Posted on December 2, 2013 by Kami
Greater Roadrunner, Phoenix, Arizona, USA Fran...

A Roadrunner! I’ve seen these occasionally here! haven’t heard them go “beep, beep” though. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Many people think I live in Phoenix, Arizona. That’s not exactly true. I live in one of the suburbs of Phoenix.

But where I really live most of the time is in the State of Denial.

Most people spend some time here once in a while. Some spend more time in Denial than others. It’s not exactly a vacation destination, but it’s a nice break from Reality.

And as we all know, Reality can bite.

Living in Denial helps me ignore these funky spots I have that probably should be seen by a dermatologist. Skin cancer happens to everyone else after all. Not fair-skinned light-haired teen year sun broiling with baby oil before the invention of sunscreen people like me. Besides it’s not urgent. It can wait til after Christmas, Valentines, Labor Day or Thanksgiving. I’ll get to it.

See how that works? Handy isn’t it?

Living in Denial saves me worry about so many things:

  • Unpaid debt
  • The future
  • Retirement
  • Getting older
  • Planning in general
  • How I fritter away my time, especially when it’s past bedtime

Hanging out here in Denial also allows a kind of all’s right with the world point of view:

  • Those elected officials surely are looking out for my best interests.
  • That smooth tread on my two front tires needs some attention, but really, it hardly ever rains here.
A couple in a Hammock.

Reminds me of my days spent in Denial. Looks comfortable, doesn’t it?(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Living in Denial helps me maintain my sanity. It’s very basic a way to cope with the stresses of life. Imagine my neuroticism if I actually thought about all the hazards out there. I’d probably never get out of bed. There’s a long list of things I just don’t let cross my mind while I’m lounging about here in Denial:

  • Our financial instability
  • The unknown
  • Relationships that need my attention
  • Not having a college degree and my utter lack of employable skills
  • My spiritual insensitivity
  • Pending death of my best friend
  • My children’s and their children’s future

And that doesn’t even touch on the big Capital Letter topics like War, Starvation, Disease, Genocide, Global Warming, National Debt, Pollution, Violence, Crime, Safety, or Corruption. It’s enough to make your heart stop and your tear ducts run uncontrollably.

Two American Alligators (Alligator mississippi...

Look how cuddly! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Can you blame me for wanting to vacation here in Denial? I’d take up a permanent address except there’s a strict temporary residency only policy. I can’t even get a Post Office Box here. Go figure.

Denial is a strange but comfortable and balmy environment, not unlike Florida, I hear, minus the alligators. There are some harsh reality checks when you have to leave Denial and return to Real Life.

If you can’t find me at home in Reality, at least now you’ll know where I’m hiding.

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Categories: Humor, Mental Health | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

My Closest Friend is…Dying

Posted on July 26, 2013 by Kami

I saw this Daily Post prompt today and thought this would be good for me to write about. I thought I might simply write something but not really post it. It would be cathartic, healing, helpful, insightful. Writing on this topic could lead to some much-needed answers.

I’ve written about her and our friendship before, but that’s been a while. It’s time to think things through again.

Vault Door

Vault Door  (Photo credit: mmahaffie)

Crap.

I sit here blank and empty.

Now I see I have a bunch of steel walls of denial and protection shielding me from facing this reality.

Oh, we talk about it. She and I. What her funeral will consist of, who will speak, what music to have, even what food to serve at the luncheon afterwards.  We’ve talked about her headstone, a bench for visitors. We’ve talked about how she doesn’t want to die in a hospital, but at home. We’ve talked about the raw deal this is. We’ve talked about the good stuff that’s happened in spite of such misery. We’ve talked about the constant pain, the nausea, the chemofuzzybrain. We’ve talked and talked and talked.

Not sure there’s a topic we haven’t touched on.

We’ve talked about our lives. Lots of that stuff. That’s what makes friends, talking about real things, worries, bad choices, craziness, kids, husbands, fun times. It’s a pretty even give and take, too. You’d think it wouldn’t be. You’d think it’d be me listening to her and her concerns. But no. She’s quite the listener. And she gets it. She gets my odd life, she commiserates with my whiny ways. She asks how I’m doing and then she cares and remembers. It isn’t all about her. How’s that for an amazing friend?

There are days I do a bunch of the listening, but we’re pretty evenly matched on talking and listening.

She’s got my back. And I’ve got hers.

That’s friendship. Someone you can count on who gets you.

It stinks big time that I’ve finally got this best friend ever in the history of the world after a zillion years and now she’s going to go away.  It’s not like she’s moving across the country and we can call every day. It’s not like she’s moving up north for more reasonable weather and we can still text back and forth. Crap. No. It’s not like that at all.

As far as I know there’s no social media, telegraph, phone, wireless connection, garage code or front door that I can knock on to get in touch with her once she’s gone.

three drinks from sonic

(Photo credit: Rakka)

Then what?

I have no idea.

I don’t even want to go there, think that far ahead, or be that person.

I’m just going to stay in denial. Who says I can’t. No one, that’s who. I can pretend as long as I want that our friendship will last forever, that’s she’s always going to be there.

I’m going to pretend that we’ll keep getting diet cherry Cokes at Sonic for the rest of our lives, until we’re dragging our great-grandkids along for happy hour slushies and corn dogs.

You would, too.

Believe me. With a best friend like I have you would be in denial, too.

Categories: Death, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Simplify. Are you kidding me?

Posted on October 31, 2012 by Kami

“Pick a random word and do Google image search on it. Check out the eleventh picture it brings up. Write about whatever that image brings to mind.”

Simplify? Who me?

My jaw hangs open. I am astounded.

Do you ever wonder how things happen that seem so serendipitous?  So random, and yet, so planned.  Like a happy accident.

That’s how I felt when I counted to eleven on my Google image search.

It’s my Destiny

Obviously I am destined to read this book. Whether is will help me solve my current dilemma or simply add to it, I don’t know yet.

Like any good reader/writer, there is a bit of chaos, semi-controlled, here and there about my home.  Sometimes the chaos is winning, sometimes I am.  Freshly dusted flat places become receptacles for a few papers, a magazine, a DVD, and a mountain begins to grow.  Okay, maybe only a small hill.  But piles erupt spontaneously as if to taunt me.  I try to stay on top of it, but work, family stuff, errands, writing, reading, eating, volunteer stuff, laundry, cooking, sleeping, all seem to get in the way of the housekeeping.

book pile

book pile (Photo credit: luiginter)

I usually have a few, (okay, many) books around the house in different stages of “readingness.”  Bookmarked, dog-eared,  left open cover up, left open cover down, an empty mug holding the page, another book holding the page open.  It gets a little silly. But, let’s be clear; books are not clutter.  No way!

Here’s a bit of irony for you.

One day one of those hill-like piles had a book on the topic of decluttering perched precariously at its peak.  It was Clutter’s Last Stand if I remember correctly. Although, it could have been half a dozen other books on the subject of dejunking, organizing, winning the lottery merely to hire a full-time maid, simplifying, streamlining, or decluttering. I own a few books on those topics.

My husband thought that particular dusty book, resting on a pile of  stuff and clutter was the funniest thing he’d ever seen.

I was not amused.

The clutter and the chaos drives me crazy!

I attempt solutions:

  • Trying to tackle it all myself with what little energy I have left after work and on weekends. Not so much a solution, more a self-inflicted bad mood.
  • Enlisting the help of family members met with more success when the children were much younger, didn’t hold down jobs or go to school or date.
  • MSH is a bit perfectionistic and takes a really long time, but he builds a pretty nifty set of shelves.
  • I buy books on the subject of decluttering.  I read books on the subject of clutter and how to manage it, reduce it, or live with it.
  • I actually declutter a little.
  • I dream about implementing all the amazing ideas in the books.
  • We move to a bigger house.
  • We move to a smaller house.
  • I secretly hope for a small disaster that wipes the slate clean.

I feel the weight of the nonsense surrounding me.  The already full sink of dishes when I’d just spent half an hour washing them up taunts me. The overflowing laundry basket snickers at me.  The opened box of Halloween decorations I have yet to put up cackles. The unswept floor sends shivers up my spine. The bathrooms rival any haunted house. The garage is the stuff of nightmares.

Unfettered Revelry

Seriously, there aren’t that many people living here.  We’re gone half the time working, and asleep  the other half. The stuff all out-of-place makes me wonder if it all gets up and wanders around at night or while I’m gone to work and flings itself about in wild, unfettered revelry.

No wonder I conjured the word “simplify” when I sat down at the computer.

I Sigh.

I consider staying up all night to make a dent in the piles.

MSH made the bed the bed this morning, and it looks inviting, calls to me, sings comforting, happy songs to lull me over to it. The pillow joins in with harmony. The alarm stares in a hypnotizing blink.

It’s much, much too late to attempt tackling any of the chaos and nonsense.

For now, I think I’ll take the Scarlett O’hara approach,  “I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow!”

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Categories: Humor | Tags: , , , , | 8 Comments

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