Posts Tagged With: Family

Needing That Thing with Feathers

(My Mom had bleeding on the brain last night and emergency surgery this morning.)

Sending this out for family to read. It kept coming to mind all morning and all afternoon as I sit here 600 miles away when I want to be there with all of you. My heart is there in the room with you!

“Hope” is the thing with feathers

BY EMILY DICKINSON

“Hope” is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all –
And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –
And sore must be the storm –
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm –
I’ve heard it in the chillest land –
And on the strangest Sea –
Yet – never – in Extremity,
It asked a crumb – of me.

And then:

 This verse came to mind and keeps running through my head:
“Be strong of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord the God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.” – Joshua 1:9

Sending my love and prayers and hope.

Categories: Family, Hope | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments

For My Dancing Daughter

It’s Gratituesday! Today I am grateful that we’re adding to our family tomorrow. We’re getting a son-in-law! My youngest daughter gets married on Wednesday!

As predicted years ago, this happens before my oldest daughter ties the knot.

Not that it was ever a contest. It’s all about personalities and differences. They’re both unconventional in completely different ways, so we all knew it would play out this way. It’s kind of fun to watch things unfold. This daughter getting married is the very one I wrote about in my Beanie Baby post.

This daughter loves dancing. She always danced her own steps and made up her own moves. She’s been that way with her whole life. Free spirited, wanting to do things her own way, confident, independent, persevering, determined. What a beautiful young woman she’s become. What a stunning bride she’ll be!

Since there isn’t a mother-daughter dance at a wedding, I’m taking a moment here for a mother-daughter song. So here it is:

“When you get the choice to sit it out or dance…I hope you dance!”

You might be saying to yourself, wait a minute, didn’t you just marry off a son a couple of months ago? Yup! Sure did! What vitality and light our new daughter-in-law brought with her. Lucky us! And my son? I’ve haven’t seen him smile this much since he got his Big Wheel at three years old.

Fireworks

I suspect something similar of my daughter, once the jittery, excited, nervous, busy, chaotic ride of the wedding day events unfold, I’m pretty sure her smile will be unending and blissful. For now, she’s holding it all in, like a firework, keeping things in check and under control until the last possible moment. Once she lets that smile break out, showing her real emotions, we’ll all bust out in contagious laughter and smiles.

I have to admit, I’ve definitely let my emotions run amok lately. Lots to do to prepare, plenty of everyday stress mixed in, plus the record-breaking heat we’ve had.

I’m sure I’ve been motherzilla-of-the-bride lately.

But, now that I think about it, I’m sure I can blame it on the denial I’m in about her moving out and moving on. Sure, I’ve been ready for it, praying for it, happy for her, for this next big step in her life. But at the same time, she’s my baby!

What’s next?

Holy mackerel, what isn’t next? It’s not like, once she leaves I’ll have nothing to do, hardly so.

But there’s this sense of loss when children progress, and this one I haven’t really addressed, until now, strangely out loud and in public. But I’m only acknowledging it briefly, to remind myself to think about it later. After all, Thursday will be just another day.

Wedding cake.

(Photo credit: THEMACGIRL*)

Or not.

Sigh…

Sniff…

Until then…

Wednesday is Wedding Day, a joyous occasion, a new beginning, a day for laughter.

A day for cheers.

A day of dancing,

A day for tears.

Here’s wishing my daughter a beautiful marriage with the love of her life!

Categories: Gratitude, Gratituesday, Joy, Love | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

What We Give Up

Half the people I know have fled town for cooler places. I had plans to flee, but alas, here I am, in the final throes of wedding plans for my youngest.

I must admit I am envious of all the absent, traveling, vacationing, escapees from the heat wave we’re in.

Ultimate-sky

A little Ultimate Frisbee anyone? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

And not just because they’re getting out of the heat. Oh no. I’m missing a family reunion that I also had to miss last year due to partial insanity and (mostly) very low to non-existent funds. This year I scrunched, pinched, saved, cajoled and weedled my way into a plane ticket so I could go early, visit with the fam, enjoy the festivities, stay long and visit more with other fam and pretty much relax for a week.

But love waits for no man, or future in-law.

So here I am, celebrating freedom by feeling slightly, begrudgingly, unfree.

That’s just silly isn’t it?

Instead I am here, in the desert, free to enjoy my freedom, my independence, my life. And what a life it is! A quick review of this past year’s Gratituesday posts alone reminds me I am blessed beyond measure.

Sure there’s some strange happenings afoot in our little land of the stars and stripes, but it’s still an exceptional place to be. It’s an abundant life by any measure you choose.

What will the next 365 days bring? Will we give up some of our privacy, some of our freedom for a pottage bowl full of something that looks and tastes like, but isn’t necessarily security? Or will we hold our ground? Can we keep the haters at bay? Can we tolerate each other and our polar-opposite opinions or will we insist on everyone agreeing with our view of things? Will we still feel free?

If I go to a parade, or a rodeo, a picnic or a reunion, will I still be grateful? Will I still recognize this country as the one I’ve spent a lifetime in? I sure hope so.

English: Sparkler Polski: Zimny ogień

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m counting on attending next year’s family reunion, seeing all the new babies, stunned at the growing up they do so magically, amazed at how the uncles and aunts have morphed into slightly younger version of Grandma and Grandpa, renewing friendships with cousins. Of course, my own siblings keep aging while I stay perfectly young (cough) and that is fascinating to me, too.

I’m glad I’ve stayed in town for my daughter’s sanity, her last few days of single life, the little details that need attending to. She’s only a bride this one time. I’ve got a long list to get busy with today. I’d best get to it.

Tonight’s local barbecue and sparklers…will do just fine for celebrating this country’s birthday and my freedom.

Categories: Family, Gratitude, Wondering | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Disturbance in the Force

Did you feel it?

I’m sure I did. My heart did this fluttery, skipping a beat, then a rushing to catch up weird sensation earlier this week. Like a balloon deflating there was suddenly no energy in the room.

My cousin, Darrin Olsen, almost thirty-three years old, passed away.

Darrin lights up a room when he walks in. He’s one of those people everyone is so happy to have show up. The vibe around him is upbeat and pulsing with life and excitement.

Whether he’s telling a joke, goofing off in front of a camera, or playing Ultimate Frisbee, he is all in, one hundred percent going for it. Talk about infectious laughter and smiles! Just saying the name Darrin puts a smile on the face of anyone who knows him.

Clearing skies over Morgan, Utah

(Photo credit: coty creighton)

I’d like to think he’s had a nice visit with Grandpa and Grandma Olsen and a couple of other cousins. Then, I envision him on a phenomenal hike in the heavens with a view unmatched here on earth.

I’m thinking he’s figuring out if he can do an ultimate bungee jump from there to here, just for the thrill of it. He’ll be able to talk whoever is in charge into it, no doubt, with that charming smile of his. I can here it now. “Sure, Gumpers, for you, I’ll bend the rules a bit. Here’s the bungee cord. Have fun!”

Ah, Darrin, you are already missed so much by so many.

Get a team together for a game of Ultimate for the rest of us when we get there. It’ll be epic!

In the meantime, feel the love we’re all sending your way.

Categories: Death, Hope, Memory Lane, People | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

A Toast to the Younger Generation, Some of Them Anyway

It’s Gratituesday! Today I am grateful for those good kids, the ones that disprove the “teenager’s are all rotten theory.”  I know some amazing teens who are respectful, kind, thoughtful, conscientious, giving, selfless, happy, easy-going and still fun to hang out with. They continue to step up that way even when others their age revert to two-year-old behaviors of selfishness, tantrums. disrespect and disruption.

I want to hug these out of the norm happy wonders of the human race! I want to thank them for trying so hard. They deserve kudos and congratulations. They give me hope for our future.

gratitude wallpaper_16:9

(Photo credit: dontstealmypen)

These kids volunteer without complaint. They show up for assignments without whining. Listening without interrupting or texting is one of the most respectful things I’ve seen. They smile or wave at grownups without getting embarrassed. They say “thank you” and “please” and “sure, I can do that.” They show up to class on time, prepared, with homework done. They babysit siblings and neighbors and can be trusted to be responsible and reliable. They don’t back talk or make snide remarks or respond with sarcasm or a demeaning tone. They use appropriate terms like “Sir, Ma’m, Mrs. Ms.” They express appreciation to others. They want to make a difference where they can.

Being in the “betweenness” of childhood and adulthood isn’t easy. It looks easy to the adults because they have selective memory of their own teen life being all fun and hanging out. But if they’re honest with themselves they’ll also remember how tough it is trying to figure out who they are, what they want to become, where they’re going, how to manage the maze of hormones and emotions and angst and homework and social insanity.

If you are a teen who’s giving it your best shot, trying to make good decisions, working to help your family, being a good friend, being respectful to the adults and others in your life, pat yourself on the back, buy yourself a shake, give yourself some well deserved credit. And know that you’re noticed and appreciated and yes, even loved!

If you have a teen in your life who is one of these great people, please let them know you appreciate how hard they work at being a good person. Let them know in real, tangible, out-loud ways, that they are wonderful and cared for and doing a great job.

Don’t blow smoke and make something up either. Praise the real things you’re seeing. And don’t sandwich it between criticism of what they aren’t succeeding at. Just let it be out there all by itself. Here’s a few suggestions:

“You are doing a great job at being kind to your brother.”

“I love how you hold the door for people!”

“Thanks for helping out with dinner today, it means a lot to me when you step up like that.”

“I know it isn’t easy holding down a job while going to school, you’re da’ bomb!”

“I appreciate how respectful you are to your mother and other adults.”

How glad I am to see such good stuff happening in the lives of young people. I’m making it a priority to send out more appreciation, live and in person to these good kids. I hope you’ll join me.

Categories: Gratitude, Gratituesday, Hope, People, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Before I Kick the Bucket

Bucket List, Schmucket List.

I’m probably one of three people on the planet who doesn’t have a bucket list.

So shoot me.

I’ve tried to make a list. I’ve started one. There’s one thing on it. I look at it and smirk. The smirk morphs into a self-deprecating laugh, which then mutates into a sinister shoulder devil.

The shoulder devil proceeds to tell me what a loser I am. The little dude whispers that I am what my life hands me. He murmurs things about obligations, commitments, real life and being self-less. I know, not your usual shoulder devil by any stretch. This one comes from the ranks of the Discouragement Platoon. He uses whatever he can get his hot little hands on.

He’s been quite effective so far in keeping me from even considering possibilities. Everything I can think of sounds unrealistic, undoable, pie-in-the-sky silly to me.

I don’t even start the list, I think of it in terms of questions and this shoulder devil smacks them down.

  • Write a novel? Right…that’s funny. When would you have time for that and who would read it anyway?
  • Hike the Grand Canyon? Are you kidding me? You’re seriously considering hauling this body down and back out of the biggest hole on the planet? Don’t you get out of breath going up a couple of flights of stairs?
  • Explore Alaska? Sure, right after you scrape together the rent money and sweep up what’s left over.
  • Build a cabin in the mountains? Silly girl, perks like that are for the beautiful, smart, adventurous people.
  • Eat at a five-star restaurant? Um, aren’t you the meatloaf and pot roast queen?
  • See the Statue of Liberty in person? Remember you don’t like crowds, big cities, the east coast?
  • Go on a week-long mountain bike trip? That’s really funny, have you seen what you look like on a bike? 

Sand bucket on the beach of Punta del Este, Ur...

Okay. So maybe I shouldn’t aim so high. Maybe my bucket list could take on a more realistic, more achievable, more down-to-earth feel.

For instance?

Like, oh, I don’t know.

A bucket list by definition is usually big important stuff, right?

So I’m stumped.

I could try looking at it a different way. What if I had less than a year to live? Then what would be on my list. My shoulder devil growls a low deep gurgle of aggravation and simmers himself into a poof of steam, disappearing for a while.

Phew.

  • See my other two daughters get married. Enjoy that look of bliss on their faces. Throw a big party for each of them.
  • See my granddaughter whose arrival is due in 3 months.
  • Tell my kids that I love them more than life itself.
  • Spend time with the other two Grands. Lights in my life!
  • Make sure MSH knows I cherish him. Thank him for the wild ride we’ve been on together. It would have been horrific without him.
  • Hug my Mom and Dad and try to infuse eternal gratitude into the hug.
  • Hang out with my siblings, chatting, laughing, reliving the good old days.
  • Apologize. Mend fences.
  • Write down everything I can get out of my head and on to paper about who I was, who I am, what I learned.
  • Laugh a bunch.

That would do it. It’s what’s really the big stuff. The big stuff that matters in the long run, in the short run, and while running out of breath.

Maybe I should get started.

That other stuff, may or may not happen. Whatever.

But the big, important stuff, I need to get ‘er done.

Categories: Death, Family, Humor, Relationships, Wondering | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Counterpoise

English: spider web with fog droplets, San Fra...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s Gratituesday! Today I am grateful beyond thankfulness. I’ve become like a sponge, saturated beyond holding another single drop. I don’t say this in a bragging way, certainly not. No. I say it with amazement and wonder and awe and tears. If I had been told a few short years ago that I could feel such joy I would have laughed, scoffed and denied the silly notion.

Why such unrestrained, ridiculous gratitude?

  • The absolute happiness on my son’s face with his new bride.
  • The smile beaming on my daughter’s face with her CSU cap and gown.
  • The shine of love in that same daughter’s eyes.
  • A pregnancy glow in another daughter.
  • Another wedding in a just a couple of months.
  • Being surrounded by family, extended family, friends, and love.

This seems like more than any one person deserves or should have in one short period. I kind of see it as a counterbalance to a few years ago when my pendulum swung wide and far from gratitude. Maybe it’s a reminder that life isn’t always about the bad stuff, which I believed for such a very long time.

My kids deserve it. They’ve worked hard to get to where they are, to have earned such happiness. Where they are now has very little to do with me. What they have now has everything to do with their  own determination, desires, sweat, experience and even redirection.

Does a word exist that describes this pendulum swing, counterbalance, this overabundant, joy-filled time?

Sure the word is…

Counterpoise.

Sounds delicate, doesn’t it?

It is. Fragile, tenuous, weblike, lacy, barely there.

But, oh so stunning.

Take it in, breathe deeply, enjoy.

Then remember, remember, remember.

Remember.

Categories: Gratitude, Gratituesday, Joy | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

You’re The Fun One | Dorkdaddy.com (Reblogged Just for You)

I read a blogger who also happens run a gig as Superdad. He disguises himself as DorkDaddy.  He’s got some Super Kids with Episode monikers which I find endearing. And then there is SuperMommy which he affectionately refers to as UnDorkMommy. This post of his which I’m reblogging for your reading enjoyment explores the subtle nuances of parenting in a way I’ve never encountered. I am certain you will finding it charming, funny and delightful. Please visit his other posts as well and let him know how much you appreciate his hijinks and writing.

You’re The Fun One | Dorkdaddy.com.

Categories: parenting, People | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My ABC’s of Gratitude

Authors. What would I do without all those books they write?

BIRDS… my favorite morning musicians.

alphabet

(Photo credit: Jim Davies)

Color. Can you imagine living in a black and white world? Or missing even one color? Imagine no reds. Bizarre.

Dancing. It’s a big reason I fell in love with MSH. He’s good at it and makes me feel all dizzy and ditzy and graceful.

Erasers. Do overs. The chance to try again when I mess up. Most of the time, life is full of second chances, and thirds, and fourths. And luckily, I’m surrounded by patient people.

Friends of all flavors and styles. They have gotten me through some sticky situations, made me laugh and kept it real.

Gardening, another way I manage to stay in touch with nature, feel self- sufficient, de-stress and marvel at life’s miracles.

UWM alphabet

(Photo credit: 2fs)

H

Home. The one place I most want to be. It’s where I feel safe, known, cared for and accepted no matter how unreasonable I get.

Ice cream or frozen custard or gelato. I’m an equal opportunity frozen dessert imbiber. One of the pure delights of life when I was a child and still delectable as an adult.

Immediately I think of my two oldest kids, whose names start with J.  There is true JOY.

That’s the first letter of my name, one I’ve always been proud of for its quirkiness, its double meaning, and its spelling. The word Kami in Japanese is 神 which means diety, God, Spirit or even force of nature. Powerful! I like it!

Alphabet Blocks

(Photo credit: PMillera4)

My other two kids names start with L. Ah, sweet Love. And MSH’s name starts with L, too.

Music, music, music. Every kind, loud or soft, kicky or lulling. Life without tunes is gray and stark.

Nature is my balm and cure, my link to sanity. Time spent outdoors will bring me more peace in less time than almost anything else I can do.

O

Oklahoma. I lived there almost five years The weather was a bit scary at times. I wasn’t a fan of the tornado warnings, but the people made up for it. They’re some of the nicest I’ve ever known. Made me feel like family.

Parents, mine specifically. Were they ever patient and long-suffering. They never gave up hope, at least not that I know of. Lucky me, lucky siblings, too.

Quiet time. Solitude. Opportunities for my mind to wander and for clarity to settle in.

Alphabet

(Photo credit: Khalid’s Work)

R

Relatives. Yup. That big spreading family bush, as a friend of one of my kids called it after visiting a family reunion. In-laws, parents, cousins, crazies, sisters, grandparents, nephews, brothers, uncles, nieces, grandbabies, seconds, twice removeds, the uncertains. What a party!

S

Smiles. I especially appreciate those shared smiles, similar to inside jokes or you-had-to-be-there-moments. Those smiles remind me I’m not alone, that someone “gets me” and that they understand my quirkiness and worries.

T

Time with my best friend. No telling how much of it there is left, so every minute, every day, feels like grace and mercy and hope rolled into one.

U

United States is my homeland. Call me dorky or naïve. But people keep wanting to be here, in spite of all the nonsense. We’ve got it pretty dang good and I feel blessed to be a US Citizen.

Alphabet

(Photo credit: james.swenson13)

Volunteering, serving, sharing, caring, paying it forward. It’s all the same package that gives back more than I put into it. Puts a song in my heart and puts my own life in perspective.

Words. Words are my favorite artistic medium, whether in writing or reading or talking or listening. Words rule!

X 

When treasure hunting, X marks the spot where the good stuff is hiding. My life’s map is dotted with intangible, priceless treasure.

Y

Yard. I have a yard, a space for gardening, trees, a patio table and chairs, a patch of grass and some privacy outdoors. If I want to wander out back in my PJ’s in the morning, no worries.

Zany, silly, nonsensical behavior, coupled with a few good belly laughs, makes nearly every day an adventure and a joy.

Categories: Gratitude, Joy, Love | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Keeping the Past Alive and Well

My parents sent me the first of five DVD’s they’ve made from our family 8mm films. We loved watching these flickering gems as kids. There’s nothing else like seeing your very own past play out on film, even if it’s a past you don’t remember.

English: Bell & Howell Regent home 8mm film pr...

Bell & Howell Regent home 8mm film projector (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This one opens like a major motion picture doing a flashback. There on my screen was romance and nostalgia that a filmmaker only dreams about creating. Yet, it was simply real. And mesmerizing!

Most of the early shots are of Mom, since Dad was the one holding the camera. She was so young, and such a flirt in front of the camera. That surprised me, though it shouldn’t have. Dad shows up building one of his famous snowmen. This one had on a flannel shirt and had arms. Try doing that yourself sometime. It isn’t easy.

When my older brother shows up as a newborn, so do my Grandparents. My heart skipped a beat or two at this point since I haven’t seen the four of them ages. I still have a kind of achy feeling banging around in my chest, a combination of love, heartache and homesickness. So much of who I was, who I am, is wrapped up in memories of my Grandparents. I was glad they visited today.

Watching my older brother get chubby and independent was priceless. Then came my other brother, who looked so happy and was so loved for his short few months of life. I wish I had met him. Seeing him bouncing around, laughing, being hugged by his big brother, made him more real, more alive, more mine. What a gift.

Just before the DVD ended, I appeared on the scene, dressed in a white dress and a white bonnet.  It seemed I ought to be able to remember that day, that dress, those feelings of being so welcomed and so loved.

There’s a joy of  having the past recorded. I felt for a short time as if I’d  climbed into a souped up DeLorean and went back to my past.

I can hardly wait for the next few installments. Even if they probably contain embarrassing scenes of me attempting ballet.

Life revisited. What a joy!

Life. What a blessing!

Categories: Family, Memory Lane | Tags: , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

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